It's only getting crazier...

Parent of the Year

2010-08-11T20:20:00.001-07:00

Well, I've probably used this title already...but judging by the fact that the last post was in September, I doubt that it matters if I'm using duplicate titles at this point. I knew this would be a quasi frequent activity for me, but it has gone the way of all things I enjoyed in my freetime...like exercise and sleep. I even had a really great start to a post once...I think I wrote it on the airplane...or in a hotel room. It was a catchy little tale about my daughter who took off her shoes at church and gave them to the Pastor to "give to my mommy, please". It was classic Little Miss, and quite well written, I might add! But alas, burried in the depths of my work computer.

Life has been busy. Buddy turned five last month, which my father was nice enough to point out to me makes me old. But, judging from the patch of grey hair I'm sporting, he's probably closer to the truth than I care to admit. Yes, I said grey hair. I've been told by the girl who cuts my hair that it "blends in nicely". That is totaly BS but I think she gets that I'm too cheap to "paint it" like my five year old would say. No one at 27 had a grey patch of hair that "blends in nicely". I was always going to go grey gracefully. That's when I thought it would happen in my late 30s...not my late 20s. But, as usual, I digress.

Buddy is five and will be a young kindergartener. Seriously, I may be sportying a fancy new college degree, but I still don't know if that word uses a 't' or a 'd'. "gardener" just seems wrong though. I can't spell, and i'm okay with that. Yes, so he will be young for his grade, which I've been told is horrible parenting. I've also been told I starve my children. But whatever. They look ok to me. ;) He's excited but nervous. He has a bit too much of his mother in him for his own good. (they both do, actually) He's so into how things work. The other day he would have taken the hair clippers apart if I would have let him.

Little Miss is so much like a smaller version of myself it gets me in trouble. For instance, what I thought was a genious moment a few months back when she remembered she hadn't finished her garlic bread when she was in bed, I told her I would let her eat her garlic bread if she gave me both her dolls. No WAY would she go for that deal. Yeah. I was wrong. She gave me the dolls and "

SON OF A MONKEY. I just deleted like three paragraphs!! Now the world will never know about the time I nearly canceled Little Miss' birthday on account of a poor worded threat by a then-two year old who called my bluff. Seriously. Stupid auto save clicked on two seconds after the delete.

Anyhoo, long and short is the girl got her freaking garlic bread and I was stuck with two dollies I never thought she'd give me. Yes, she is the spitting image of myself. I foresee years of difficulty with this one. Likely we will quit talking in about 2019 when she turns 12. I am guessing that she will like her father and that her and I will begin speaking again sometime around 2027 when she's 20...if I'm lucky. The thing is that the stubborn streak runs in both of us. The same one, too. So, when I dig in my heels, she digs in hers. I say three more bites of broccoli, she swats at me or throws me one of her classic looks. I still win (I mean, she is only 3) but I sense my tactics are going to need to change somewhere in the next five years if I don't want a constant battle on my hands. It's not that i want her wimpy (though often I do), it's mostly that I want to win. Oh wait, that sounds bad. I want her to be strong and to be determined, I'd just appreciate if it was only toward school work, or a career or something. You know, something useful, not something opposed to my fantastic leadership ability. But, I am quite sure this one will go far. (I may not live to see it...however!)

Buddy, too, has a mind that is facinating. However, though he has a stubborn streak, he is a much more sensative personality than either Little Miss or myself. Monday night, I think he would taken the hair clippers apart to see how they worked, if I would have let him. Building, measuring, making, thinking, all of these are things that the kid just eats up. It is interesting to watch children. While nuture may allow them to flourish at their natural gift, every one has such a unique and special skill and gift set, something I have absolutely no control over. It is wonderful and horrible at the same time.

In my four week break before the masters classes start, I've been able to walk at night. Not only does walking or running or some combination thereof help me get rid of the stress and the frustration from work, but by the last 10 minutes I almost always find myself overcome with the realization of how blessed I truly am and how wonderful it is to be living my life with my family right now. How thankful I am that I can leave stacks of papers on my desk to make it to three sets of swimming lessons every day (yes, we only have two kids). That I can, crappy parenting or not, still be able to be a part of the big things and that we are all healthy enough to enjoy them. Blessed beyond what I deserve, certainly.

So, why the Parent of the Year? Well, because my mother informed me AFTER I booked my tickets that the hubs and I will be on vacation over Buddy's first ever school Christmas program. While I would like to say that video will be just as good....

I suppose I could still hold him back a year! :)

Skirt in a sea of pants

2009-09-02T20:13:00.000-07:00

Well, so, now I'm not even quasi punctual with this stuff. Oh well.

Quick update: The Club has healed. I am not a normal society member with a finger nail. Woot Woot! The shower incident has not been repeated; I have managed to stay upright for quite a while now.

Well, I’ve started and abandoned at least two of these already. Seems the months are plowing on whether I like it or not. Right now, though, school work is up to date and I’m on a trip for work sitting in my hotel waiting for the boys to go to dinner with no burning desire to tackle the budget reports sitting on the desk across the room or to try to design an ad w/ the finger-mouse. My shoes are on, my contacts are out. The only reason my shoes are on is because they and my socks are so full of dirt right now I know that if I take them off, I will not ever, ever want to have to put them back on. Plus, if I take them off I might fall asleep. I left the house at 4:30…was supposed to leave at 4, but my phone was not charged (darn it!) so I had to hang out for 20 minutes to give it enough juice to call anyone in an emergency since I do not own a car charger…since my phone was $20 and is a prepaid model, I couldn’t’ even find one at Target today. Man I love Target. Target and Costco. They get pretty much all the money that I spend…but then again, I don’t’ really like to spend money, so they’re pretty lucky, I guess.

I am missing Buddy and Little Miss, who I can call Mamadoo. I started calling her Mamadoo (that’s ma’am –a-dooo) a few weeks ago and she says she is not my mamadoo…but that doesn’t stop me from calling her Mamadoo. For a few weeks she was “von-hoobie-doobie” from a book we read. Apparently I don’t like real names. Hubby calls Buddy Frank…which is just plain weird and not at all cute like Mamadoo. Anyhooskies. Took Buddy to get his pictures taken yesterday. Boy did that suck! Nothing like the perma-grimace of a 4 year old. I thought 2 was bad! At least at 2 you can trick them into smiling. At 4, they know better, they don’t laugh at silly antics and look just plain bizarre on film. Anyhow, it’s a moment in time that Sears took care of for me. I don’t’ know if it is just me, but it is like 100 degrees in those photo rooms. I sweat like a pig every time I have to get a kid’s pictures taken. It is quite the ordeal. Buddy is enjoying pre-4, which I have been informed is “way cooler and funner than 3-preschool” (apparently we’re not learning grammar yet!). I’m wondering when my baby learned to say cool and to give thumbs up about stuff. Yesterday we also tried to do Costco and Target and pictures after work and before bed, complete with switching to the work F150 at my office before coming home. (where was I going with this…) oh yeah. Buddy had $10 from his birthday. He got to learn the hard way in Target that $10 doesn’t buy you as much as you might think. I had to keep telling him “no, honey, you don’t’ have enough money for that one”. But, not only is he completely captivated by his new Playmobile dungeon-ball-throwing-something-or-other, but he learned a good lesson about how far money goes and how you have to make choices with what money you have to spend.

In other news, my baby isn’t so much a baby but a big girl complete in princess (or princeies) panties. I only have the occasional poop-in-panties fun job to take care of. She’s really got it down now, though, and before she’s even 2 and a half, I can’t believe it. Plus, she’s pretty much ready for a big girl bed. She even sleeps on a little mat at daycare for her nap. Just lays down and does what she needs to do. I can’t believe that this is the same baby in my camera from Christmas with no hair!! The only time when I get teary about them growing up is looking at pictures. I always feel like “how did it go so fast” and “why didn’t’ I take more pictures when they were babies”. But, then again, they are so much fun now. The other night she helped me make muffins and we playing pretend party, complete with pretend cake and pretend party hats. She can give hugs and tells me “I love you muches to the moon” when she calls me at work. And for that, I think it’s great to have a two year old. One who can tell you stories and hold hands. So, it’s not all bad.

Speaking of being a big girl…I’ve now been back to work for over 3 months and besides the PITA of having to make lunches, it has gone relatively smoothly, I think. The kids love day care and pre-school, and I love being home in time to make snacks and play for a bit before dinner.
It’s odd though. I would’ve never considered myself any type of feminist (and I still don’t) nor would I consider my parents of that persuasion. Lately, I’ve been thinking that maybe it has to do with the fact that we live on one of the coasts, as opposed to the Midwest or something. I just don’t know. Anyhow, the point is that I feel like I’ve grown up in a family or in a mindset of the fact that I could do pretty much anything I wanted to, career and life wise. That just because I’m of the female persuasion means that I need to be submissive to my husband…but doesn’t limit me from being successful in my own right. Now, this is probably coming off wrong, or odd, but I’m getting to something. Hang with me. Now, I work in ag, where it is a anomaly to be a) a woman or b) young. Which I am both. But, I cannot say that I have EVER felt that is a disadvantage in my job or in my company. However, now, I’m in contact with a boss originally from Missouri and other people from other places and their attitude about my ability to do my job has completely caught me off guard. It’s just somewhat foreign to me that anyone would think I’m not capable of something, maybe because I’m so…I’m going to say driven….Hubby might say stubborn, but let’s face it, driven sounds a lot better! J I’ve never felt like the skirt in a pants world, but I have begun to see it a bit, and it is something I’m trying to navigate. Maybe it’s because I’m conflicted already on life and the directions it takes and the person that I am and I try to use the gifts I think I’ve been given. Or maybe it’s just because I AM a woman and I’m hyper sensitive to crap that’s not really there. Or maybe, I need more than 4 hours of sleep at night to form a cohesive paragraph…

As a fam we have a trip planned to Hawaii in December, and I am so freaking excited to go. It’s rather irrational, actually, but I am so excited to spend time with just our family away for a while. I have such happy memories looking at the pictures from Cancun in January…now I’m almost afraid that nothing will live up to my “memory land” vocational ideal. Either way, we decided to shoot the moon and book the Embassy Suites in Hawaii. It was about double what I was planning on spending on lodging, but taking into consideration how much easier it will make life for me, I think it will be totally worth it.

Well, I think I’d better go get some dinner. I think they boys may have gotten side tracked again! Boys.

20ish going on 80

2009-07-01T20:47:00.001-07:00

Weeks one and two of Operation: Full Time Employment are already in the history books and I’m celebrating the fact that as FT I once again qualify for full, paid holidays. It was pre-buddy days that I last enjoyed the sweet taste of 8 hours of holiday pay. So, can I get a woot woot for having the 4th on the third week of work?!? Plus, it’s going to be 83 and we’re chillin and the lake with friends. Work is good. It is stimulating, it is challenging, it is exciting and it is crazy busy. I could probably put in 80 hours a week around this joint and not be caught up. Hubby is going to kill me when I start to bring my lap top home to work at night.

What seemed like a downright brilliant idea of taking 15 credits during the 8 week summer quarter is seeming a bit like misplaced brilliance. Apparently each class thinks I need to devote 12-15 hours a week…so, that means I’m supposed to work, do the books and put in 40 hours a week doing school. My counter offer is, how about 2-3 hours a day, total? Here’s hoping that I can pass Stats, Managerial Accounting, and MIS without being committed. Plus, I think I have a few side clients that need their work completed. Moonlight…again, it seemed like a great idea at the time. I suppose shag carpet once seemed like a good idea too….

So, two things happened yesterday to make me feel like I’m 20-something going on 80. I’m not saying 20-something because I’m ashamed of my age, mostly it’s just because I can no longer remember my age. You see, once you try to remember employee idea numbers, 4 pages of account codes, 150 different 3 letter acronyms, 4 social security numbers, 50 different short-cut key strokes per program, and what day it is, it no longer seems important to remember (nor does it seem humanly possible) your exact age. SO I don’t. I know what year I was born, and I think I know what year it is, between the two, I’ve probably got enough information to get by.
Anyhow, I was taking a shower last night around 9:50 when I realized that I keep forgetting to put new body wash in the shower and was officially out, out. So, I opened the curtain, reached across to the vanity, opened the door and got me a new bottle. One leg out to minimize drippage. As I swing my outside leg back in, the inside leg start sliding toward the drain. I’m about as coordinated as a 1 legged monkey, so I slip. I end up, ass in the air, head in the tub, leg in the curtain, water in the face in the bottom of the shower. Now, I’m not only oddly positioned but trying to figure out how to gracefully get my naked self back to vertical. Luckily, I manage this feat before hubby opens the shower curtain. As I cough from the impact he’s laughing at me…at least he didn’t see me w/ my leg in the curtain. Yes, I’m 20-something and I need some kind of shower handle, apparently.

Then, yesterday as I pried my eyes open with paper clips around 2pm, I decided to pour a large mug of 80% creamer, 20% coffee from the front office coffee pot, the one with caffeine. At 11:45 last night, unable to sleep, that seemed like a pretty stupid decision. Apparently now I’m the old person who can’t drink caffeine in the afternoon. Re-freaking-diculous.

Chaos & failure

2009-06-09T20:49:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure if the line is actually from "The Godfather" since I've never seen it, but it sounds right to me. You see, "they made me an offer I couldn't refuse" (makes most sense when said in a crappy imitation of an italian accent). And yesterday I signed my life away. I was offered full time employment again and I accepted it. I have spent the past week and a half since they offer first showed up in my email in complete consternation. Every decision I make seems wrong.

Maybe it's because I had a picture in my head of who I was and what life was supposed to look like. The picture essentially boiled down to some fantastic version of a stay at home mom. Interesting since I have always despised babysitting in general. But logic told me that I would be fantastic and love it when it was my own kids. Turns out I love them more than I would have imagined, but I'm not good at "it". Sure, I can make squash and give timeouts with the best of them, but I'm not so good at the day to day. I'm not reall good at playing games and can't even think of anything "interesting" to do. I'm about the worst possible at meeting other moms or scheduling these things called play dates, and I find it impossible to "shut off" and enjoy them. What terrifies me about my decision is that I'm going to wake up at 45 when both kids are grown and essentially out of the house and regret this decision. That I'm going to miss out on the precious days of them being little. Logically, I know that I'm no less of a parent if I work. Heck, Hubby works insane hours and they still love him to pieces, but I'm essentially a failure of what I had planned for myself.

One thing I know for certain, at this point in life, I suck at being a part time working parent. It like being a half-ass employee and a half-ass parent all at the same time. Not that others couldn't juggle it better, but apparently I can't. I take on too much, push the kids to the side, and am generally crabby, all the while managing to put in just enough hours to do the job, but not quite enough to really do it to the best of my ability. Somehow, I hope that this change will make it easier to be home and actually be home (mentally, that is). I suppose I'm jealous of moms around me who are able to pull off being at home, enjoying it (for the most part), and providing that for their kids. It was what I planned on. This was not what I had in mind.

Then, I struggle with how I'm supposed to respond as a Christian. How should I understand the ideas of being Godly as a wife/mother with the ideas of "go to the ant, you sluggard" or the Proverbs 31 lady who considers a field and buys it. How do I not worry about the future (oh you of little faith) but still act as a sparrow and gather food? How do you determine whether you're burrying your talents and wasting them, or if you're pursuing them for the wrong reasons? How do you know whether it's God opening the door or if it is something else? I've been thinking that now would reallly be a good time for some sky writting or a talking donkey, apparently though, He's not planning on using those means right now.

So, I'm left to stumble through and pray about it and walk through open doors. I'd say I put out several fleeces (are we even supposed to do that??): a counter offer, a better work schedule (6am-3pm). Each was met with very little resistance. But, I'd still prefer sky writing.

It's not easy to tell a nearly 4 year old that you'll be working more. Even though I'm pretty crappy at being home, it appears that both Buddy & Little Miss still love me and still like to be around me. He tells me he doesn't like the baby sitter. Then you get the philosophical 3 year old "but why, mommy" question. But why indeed....

I'm not sure what to do with Little Miss. She always seems ready to go to bed around 7:30, but here we are again tonight, nearly 9pm and she is JUST showing the signs of sleep. The worst part is, she is happier playing in her crib from 7:30-8:30 than she is during the day. I just don't get it. Then, some days, she zonks the minute you put her down. Tonight I went in there and we sang songs and talked about her day at Mrs. Jen's. She loves to talk and has quite the vocabulary and quite the way of saying things. We talked about falling off the swings. We talked about if I was wearing underwear under my pants (yes, I was, in case you were wondering). We talked about playing dollies. We sang songs. You see, that's what I'm good at. Singing songs and reading books. The truth of the matter is that I had a wonderful stay at home mom who was good at all the traditional stay at home stuff. And, I think what I remember most is the songs at night. So I guess, I'm hoping that they (and I) will remember the songs at night, or the rocks in the chair, or the books before bed and forget all the yelling, the working, and the stuff I'd rather not stick in the baby books. And I hope that I'm not making a terrible mistake or something I'm going to regret later on. The thing about life is, at the end of the day I'm just trying to do my best to determine what God wants me to do, and since He's apparently said "no" to my pleadings for sky writing, I'm going to take the opportunity to walk through the open door. I'm going to have to trust that somehow He'll give us (the hubs and I) both the strength and wisdom to not completely screw up these two lives we've been entrusted with. And, I suppose I'll keep praying for calm within our new found chaos....but if you see any messages in the sky that I've missed, be sure and give me a call.

Kidisms

2009-05-09T20:44:00.000-07:00

First, I have to apologize. I did something in my last post that is a cardinal sin. Something that makes me cringe every time I see it. A personal pet peve, right about up there with people who use the word irregardless. (sorry guys, that's a double negative, like saying "I'm going to un-thaw the meat" "Oh, honey, you're going to put it in the freezer??" It's either irrespective or regardless...irregardless is not a word.)

I typed their instead of there.

See, a person with such strong opinions on "irregardless" or "un-thaw" should be flogged for using their or they're or there incorrectly. Oh the depths I have fallen. The horor. So, please forgive me, everyone. I will try to be on better behavior. Spelling, I cannot do, (seriously, is it table or tabel? Label or Lable? ah crap, now I'm not sure which is right.....) So, yes, spelling I cannot do, but grammar I should be able to handle (or is it handel?) I'm probably the only person who got caught cheating on a 3rd grade spelling test (don't read that mom....). Yes, cheating at spelling. For shame. For shame.

So, the zoo was a rocking good time. Though I thought Hubby was going to go a bit postal on me in the car this morning.

There are two things that are bad for my marriage:
Putting together Ikea furniture
and
Reading directions

We are terrible at both. Actually, directions of any kind are very bad if we're together. We've nearly divorced over our bedroom set, nearly had to call in the cops for a domestic incident when we "put together" (and I use the words "we" and "put together" verrrry loosly) my elliptical machine, and any road trip tends to end in disaster.

Well, on this trip I forgot directions all together. (Take that!) Which, apparently is worse. Then the Emabassy lady gave us directions for coming from the SOUTH, not HEADING SOUTH on the freeway. I was nearly left at the side of the highway. But alas, we made it....... only to near divorce today, yet again.

So, we're heading to the zoo. Little did we know it was "mommy & me" day. Seriously? I have never SEEEEEEN so many people at the zoo. It took us an hour maybe more to make it 1.3 miles and find a parking spot. All the while I have to endure "I knew we shouldn't have gone swimming this morning and we should have come early" etc, etc, etc. But alas, we found a spot on some hill about 4 blocks from the zoo.

All in all, though, it was a good trip. I even invented the "car time out". Curious? I thought so. Here's how it goes. When you 1-day-short-of-being-2-year-old whines and cries for about 30 minutes enroute to the zoo, you then take away all the toys, blankets, lovies, etc that you have given her until she screems bloody murder. Then you turn around and say "if you can be good, you can have them back". This was much more effective that "if you don't stop crying, you won't get to a) go swimming b)play with your friends c) go to the zoo d) anything else i could think of taking away." No, the car time out gave us a good 45 minutes of happy baby. Phew.

To get you into the mind of my two year old (well, she will be tomorrow) I have to tell about the naughty baby book. We were reading this book about a baby who is naughty (they needed the car time out). Baby throws fits, spits, makes a mess, etc. Well on one baby baby is holding the ball while another baby cries. Page reads "Share the ball, baby, baby, baby please". Well, as I read it, I hear Little Miss say "Get your own ball, baby" to the crying baby. Yes, "Get your own ball." Sigh.

The last kidism was two days ago. Buddy came up to me while I was on the phone with my mom saying "mommy, i know who I want to be my new mommy. Kate!"
me: "baby, I'll always be your mommy"
b: "no, Kate!"
me: "Sweetie, she's your cousin (thinking abbreviated cousin nick name)"
My mom: "Uh, I think he means his wife."
me: "You mean like how uncle matt and auntie brittani are getting married"
b: "Yeah" (like where have you been??)
b: "Yeah, when I'm big and you're not my mommy."
me: "Then Kate from preschool will be your mommy."
b: "yep" runs out of room.
So, yes, my three year old already, apparently, has a girlfriend at school. His dad would be so proud....if not creeped out by the mommy reference. :)

Well, with a successful weekend away behind us, fun friends to share it w/ and a gaggle of people coming tomorrow, it's time to head.

happy m-day to all the mommies out there.

Don't worry, I screw up more than all of you put together!! :) If you don't believe me, read back through the posts!!

My big life change

2009-05-08T06:04:00.000-07:00

Man. It has been too long again. Too many cute kid moments not memorialized for the world to remeber. For shame.

Here I am, with a disfigured club finger and no one to share it with. For those wondering the finger has undergone a lovely transformation and about 3/4 of it is now missing. It lead me to the fount of all earthly wisdom. I googled "How long does it take a fingernail to grow back?" that's right. The internet, useful for staying in contact with family, making business deals, world wide instant communication has about 2 billion hits for fingernails growing back. I think it is safe to say that we live in an age of excess! So, my hideous finger, according to my Google search, will be its lovely self in 6 to 18 months; not exactly what I was thinking... But hey, our PA friend says that they get people in the ER when they smash their finger. So I take pride in calling them ninnies.

Life has been crazy busy, and, even though I'm a bit of an admitted stress junkie, it's getting a tad overwhelming. I picked up another design client, which is good, Hubby is generating a lot of paperwork with his business (which is good, except for the stress because I'm the only one who knows if we have money or not!), school has been taking up about 15 hours a week, which is too many, and work has been religated to only 15 hours per week, which is probably not enough. I still have only about 12 hours of arranged child care. And, that math doesn't quuuuiiiite work out right! I temp myself out of bed in the morning by promising coffee with calorie ladden creamer to my tired body. The body no longer cares, though. I think I may have to buy whipped cream and up the ante a bit.

So, what is my big life change? People are going to laugh, but I've found a way to cope with the business while trying to keep a semblance of sanity: I use the dishwasher.

Shocking, no?

I've always used the dishwasher, just not a lot. I thought it "wasteful" to run it when it wasn't full. I though it "silly" to put pots, pans, measuring cups, blenders, in their. I thought it "terrible" to run it more than 3 times a week. Well, call me wasteful. Call me silly. Call me terrible. I run that puppy at least once a day, sometimes twice. Hand washing is a thing of the past at my house. You may think that I considered it theraputic or something to wash dishes. I did not. I'm about 2" too tall for a normal sink and it hurt my back. I just hand washed because it made more sense. It no longer makes more sense. So, I fire up the Whirlpool and enjoy all that modern convenience has to offer...if only they could make an option for "put everything away" I think I would have all the time I need for work.

Well, we are off to the big city this afternoon with the kiddos. We're staying at the Embassy Suites, the mecca for families. Why is it a mecca? Simple, really. There is a separate bedroom, allowing parents to retire at 10pm instead of 7 pm. There is a free breakfast, at which my children can arrive in their jammies if the spirit so moves. (Plus, bonus! there's no way we'll sleep past free breakfast hour!) And, it has things like cooked to order omlets and fruit. It has a pool. But the ringer? It has free alcohol from 7 to 9 pm. That's right. Free. A literal oasis in the desert of toddler-hood. Embassy Suites=greatest invention ever....totally, totally worth the $100.

Then, after we fill up on custom omlets, we plan to take the chillens to the zoo. Which reminds me that I need to charge the camera batteries. Well, though I have much more to write, I didn't drag my tired arse out of bed to do this. No, there are Australian ads to book, invoices to print (hopefully....please Lord let there be invoices to print!) and there are Geology rock labs to complete (PS, Geology is NOT a easy lab science. I soooooo should've chosen Astronomy or something....), there is cheesecake to make, a tort to finish, and a jello salad missing a top layer. There is toothpaste on the bathroom mirror, a nasty ring in the tub, remanents of another rock lab on the counter, apple peels from three weeks ago that need to get out to the compost pile, and some kind of grime all over the kitchen floor. I'd better fill my coffee cup.....

But I NEEEEEED it.

2009-04-02T15:10:00.000-07:00

To put it simply, I have a loquacious daughter.

We have a bit of a tradition, lately at night that ended last night, but I'll get to that in a minute. It goes like this:
(Me, laying Little Miss in bed, gives her the pipe (pacifier for those not familar w/ the term pipe))
LM: What would daddy say? (The line a routinely use when she tries to take it out of the crib with her)
Me: Daddy says it's okay only for sleeping (celebrating that for ONCE daddy is the semi-bad guy)
LM: BUT I NEEEEEEEEEEED IT!!
Every night, the same saga unfolds.

Well, I've decided that since she is chattering like a five year old (I want to go in the hot tub RIGHT NOW! etc every comment out of her mouth ends with RIGHT NOW, I want milk RIGHT NOW, I want to play dolly downstairs RIGHT NOW, I'm working on at least a "please" but it doesn't look good) it is probably time for her to give up the pipe. Not that I wanted to, it's bittersweet, really. I'm not much for sentiment, but leaving the pipe behind marks leaving babyhood behind. While I relish the fact of bringing baby crap with me every time I leave the house, and I enjoy being past the making baby food stage or the 3am feeding stage, I do understand that it is sad when the baby is no longer a baby. Hubby's answer to this is "well, have another one. But I'm not going to help you with it; it will be your problem." What, because you get up during the night now?

I digress.

The point is, I could have 100 other children, and it would still be sad when the last one leaves the pipe behind....and that's no reason to have #101. We can't make time stop, all we can do is enjoy the moments and try to make a memory or two. So, yesterday we got dolly a potty at Target. Killing two birds with one stone, I might add. Giving excitment to the potty training that we're working on AND she decided at 7:05pm last night to trade her pipes to dad for dolly's potty. Of course, Hubby being a softy when it comes to his princess, promptly hid the pipes in my sock drawer. I told him "once we take them away, it's done, there is no going back. If we cave once, we'll never get past the hump" but he just couldn't throw them in the garbage...SOFTY!! I made Buddy throw his away himself. I think it was more so that I wouldn't go grabbing them out of the trash in the middle of the night, though, but it was a good method of both of us. So, Little Miss went to bed without even ASKING about the pipe. But, I could tell she missed it. We both had to go down because she was crying about 4 times before she finally fell asleep. It was a good soother. I know she lays in bed for at least an hour many nights, and the pipe clamed her...now all she has is tags on her blankets. The middle of the night was hard too. But the worst was nap time. Little Miss is my champion napper: down at 12:30 w/o a squeek. Routinely gives me 3 hours. Today, however, I was treated with 45 minutes of crying. I wanted to grab those puppies out of the sock drawer and say "I take it back! You're still a baby!!" But why come this far to throw in the towel? Not worth it. So I sucked it up, told her she was doing a great job and was such a big girl and helped her find her tags. I feel bad for her though, so that probably explains why I let her sleep by me this morning at 5am...that and I was dead tired! Battles of will w/ my daughter are best fought w/ a full night of sleep.

Those who know me would understand that I'm somewhat of a routine gal (I hear my mom laughing already). Okay, I'm REALLY a routine gal. We do the same things on the same days etc etc etc. My kids also love routines. One of our favorites is after Hubby reads the Bible story book at dinner. He pauses at the end of the lesson to which Buddy yells out "QUESTION TIME!" then, w/o missing a beat, Buddy counts '1,2,3' and we all have to say "question time". Then, Hubby is instructed to count for Little Miss who responds with "Question time" to which Buddy says, without fail, to Little Miss "I KNEW you would say it!" Then we ask the questions. It's just one of the great traditions/routines/whatever around our house. There is calm in the repetition and knowing what to expect.

So, hopefully night two will go better than night one. If not, I might take a hit off a pipe in the sock drawer. It's hard to admit, but a month away from her second birthday, she's really not a baby anymore. Without a pipe, can you believe it?

The Club

2009-03-24T13:51:00.000-07:00

It started just like any Friday morning does. It's the day we don't have to do anything or be anywhere right off the bat. We watched some Disney Channel, ate breakfast got clothes on, put toys away and started the vaccuum in the basement. Then the kids had yogurt while I got ready to do the "Friday errands". You know, go to the Post Office, visit "Lady" at the bank and get groceries.

So, off we trott to stop #1...(the post office, what were you not paying attention?) We get the mail from the PO Box. Buddy races us down the ramp (we take the stairs & he always wins, wink wink). A Candian was parked next to me. Little Miss was screaming (apparently she was under the impression that the Post Office gave candy). Things were escalating in a hurry. I was swatting her bum telling her to stop crying or there would BE NO CANDY at the bank, she was screaming candy. No sooner had I laid down the candy law and I had to yell at Buddy not to run behind the car. The kid thinks that he can just run around the back of the car and then all of Front St slamms on their brakes thinking they'll hit him while cursing me as a lazy parent. Then, Canadian-post-office-visitor give me "the look". You know, the one where they're thinking, "wow, that lady has no control over her children." if he was an old lady, I swear I would've heard tongue-clucking. So, then, I wrangle Little Miss into the car, buckle her in and slam the door.

And. that's. when. it. happened.

I slammed my right index finger in the car door. Now, mind you, I slammed it hard enough for the door to completely latch and my finger some how popped out of the completely latched passenger door. It was not instant pain, in fact I didn't even curse (points for mom!), besides the Canadian tongue clucker was still watching me. So, I'm gasping a bit for air now as the reality of pain is hitting me and somehow buckling Buddy in. So, I get into the front seat of the car and now it's getting really bad and I'm explaining to the 3 year old and candy-screaming 1 year old that mommy is in pain and could we all just shut up a minute (and for the love of all things that are holy, Canadian man could you go into the blankety-blank post office already!!). Now, I'm trying to figure out just how to turn the key in the iginition. So we set off and I'm telling the kids that we're making a slight detour to mommy's work so that I can get some drugs or something because this is SERIOUS pain that is increasing by the minute (and getting very black, I might add).

So I'm driving to mommy's work, with strict instructions from Buddy to tell grandpa about me owie and who should be on the road but a cop. At this point w/ tear streaming down my face waving my index finger in the air I am dairing the man in blue to pull me over. At which point I planned to give him my children and lay down on the side of the road. But, alas, i think he took one look at me and decided "you know, I don't think I want to get into it w/ that lady...." Well played.

I arrive at mommy's work hit the drug cabinet and take in a measly amount of drugs, not enough to make a difference (grandpa was on the phone, by the way), inform Buddy that I didn't talk to grandpa and drive past the same police man who still doesn't want to get into it with me.

I arrive at the bank where a former classmate of mine says hello, while my children abandon me to go see Lady. I barely manage a response to people I encounter. Some how I manage to buckle the kids into their seats.

We arrive at the grocery store. Things are heading south by the minute. I now feel about ready to pass out.

Now, I've had two kids w/o epidurals. I've had 18 hour labor w/ a posterior facing baby that won't come out and too many stitched to fathom. But this finger thing takes the cake in the pain department. I'm not joking. Labor was pain w/ a purpose that I could breath and barf my way through. This was a pointless, I stuck my finger in the freaking door, pain that wouldn't go away.

Back to the grocery store. Now I'm ready to pay and the checker says "ma'am, are you feeling okay, you don't look very good" truth is, I'm trying very hard not to pass out. I tell Buddy to get his coat off because he needs to buckel his own buckels because mommy needs to lay down. We get home and that's exactly what I did. Frozens still in the car, I lay on the floor. Buddy even helps Little Miss get her shoes off and NO ONE FIGHTS! I hear Hubby drive in and send Buddy to ask daddy to empty the car out while I wonder how in the heck a finger in a door could reduce me to mush.

Of course, this is the afternoon where i have to take a final for my class. Typing is comical (and still is) as I can't use my index finger at all. Of course, this is the night of my scrapbook overnighter where I'm supposed to go away and have fun on my own making beautiful photo albums with a bum finger and a now near useless hand.

Hubby asks "would you like me to drill it for you". I promise that if he comes near me I will drill in his man-region. He does not doubt my intent and stays far, far away.

So, now, I am left with the club. A useless black finger that Hubby says looks like a "dude finger" and with which I am not allowed to touch him because it's gross. See how inconvient this all is for him??

On a more positive note, Buddy has come up with one of my new favorite kid-isms "I love you muchest of all" which translates to "I love you more/most", but it's way cuter his way. Little Miss has a few cute ones of her own, such as "I want an icecream" which means an ice cube in her water and "I want a peanut butter" which is butter on a bun/toast/bread of some kind.

And the great news is that I can still manage to do piggy tails on her...even with the club. In fact I've become quite adept at using my other 9 fingers. Her piggy tails are pretty darn cute. Well, I'm off to work on the church website!

Parenting Pardise

2009-02-27T14:29:00.000-08:00

Two days in a row. What a feat.

There were just too many things I forgot in yesterday's post (it had been 2 months, ya know).

So the other morning, Saturday to be exact, the kiddos and I were at home together and I asked them to play together downstairs so I could brush my teeth. So, 20 mintues later, clothing on (sans kids in the closet watching me change) teeth brush (sans kids sticking their heads between my legs), bladder empties (sans kids asking "are you peeing or pooping mommy") I was ready for the day, and things were blissfully quiet in the basement. So, I had two options:

1. Go downstairs to ensure they were both still alive and risk showing my face an ruining whatever magical thing was taking place in the basement

2. Stay the heck out and clean the kitchen.

Being a prudent parent, I obviously chose option 2. (Seriously, would you go down there???) I did creep down the stairs and hide around the corner to hear them talking to eachother. At which point I high-tailed it upstairs. Now, I'm not going to say that it lasted much more than 5 minutes longer (paradise does have time limits), but for that brief moment I found myself smack dab in the middle of parenting paradise: that magical time and place where two (or more) children play in peace. Now, as any parent knows, children are born with an innate ability to annoy, pick on, harass and otherwise make life miserable for a sibling. It's something that doesn't even need to be learned. Why can't it be, like, potty training? No, it has to be a useless skill like sibling annoyance.

Today we went to the bank. For those who don't know, the bank is a magical child kingdom where there is free candy on the counter and a lady known only as "lady" to my children. Her name is actually Linda, but I digress. We've been known to let others pass us in the bank line so that we can see "lady". Buddy is very set on this point. No other teller will do. They know the routine. On Fridays, we go to the PO Box. If there is money in the box, and only then, will we make a trip to the bank (though we have learned of free candy at the CPA's office, too, what luck!). Today, we walked into the bank, and I kid you not, Little Miss screams "LADY" and starts running to the teller counter. Buddy, being older and wiser, knows that he need not do anything, he just walks up and asks for candy and a sticker. In fact, Lady is so nice to my kiddos, that a) she KNOWS Buddy will only approve of a GIRL sticker for Little Miss and a BOY sticker for him. Once, a teller said Buddy had a cute brother and we nearly had a breakdown. She has no hair, and was wearing pink, and he was MIGHTILY offended for her. Again, I digress. So, Lady brings out today's stickers, something to do w/ the lion king and asks me quietly as the kids are picking out a candy "Do you think these will be okay?" Yes, she was checking that he would approve of her sticker choice. Does the boy not run the world??

My final story of life on the home front is once again about the kiddos in harmony. They think it's hillarious to say "brother" or "sister". So, as I brought LIttle Miss down for her nap, they yelled through the hous to eachother over and over "GOOD NIGHT SISTER" "GOOD NIGHT BROTHER" giggle and repeat. Now, that's enough to make the mom smile, just a little. See, they really do love eachother. That and Little MIss looked at me "I love you very much". Kind of makes it all worth it, I guess.

To Three or not to Three.

2009-02-26T14:37:00.000-08:00

Seriously, December 20, huh. I knew it was getting bad...but we're already 1/6 of the way done w/ 2009 and I have yet to post anything. For shame.

It occurred to me that you go through stages in life after high school. Forgive me, I'm sure there are many more stages than this, these are just the only ones I've been a part of. First, there's the "everyone is getting married stage". My brother is currently in this stage. You know, the one where you buy 15 wooden salad bowls at Costco in April and just make the rounds for the rest of the year. Then, 3 years or so laters there the "everyone's having a baby stage", where you go through obscene numbers of baby gifts bags (countered only by the fact that you RECEIVED obscene numbers of said bags, so that one is at least free). Like me, I've been out of wedding gift bags for about 4 years. I'm nearing the end of the baby gift bag stash as well. (Warning, if you get a gift bag from me that is hanous....well, you should've poped out the kids a bit earlier. I used up all the cute ones already.) Somewhere admist those stages is the "everyone is buying a house" stage. With the house and baby stage, you kind of stop going out w/ couple friends bc you a) can't find a sitter or b) can't afford a sitter or to go out bc of your house.

Well, I'm currently in the "everyone is making the #3 decision". What stage is this? Well, one kid is a pretty SOP (Standard Operating Proceedure). And 90% seem to think the #2 follows #1. However, there is much dissent in the post-high school-life stages calendar to whether or not a #3 follows a #2. It's like the great divide in families. You spend time talking about it with strangers and friends. You weigh the pros and cons. Because, let's face it, the family of 5 (or 5+) is different than the family of 4. For us, unless God has some kind of sense of humor, #2 is the end of the baby road for us. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm FAIRLY certain that I can keep the two I've got alive. I'm thinking the odds fall pretty drastically if I add another variable into the mix....by variable, I ofcourse mean yet another strong personality into our house.

Little Miss has profected the "death stare" for when 'her majesty' as I call her when talking to Hubby is unhappy. Let me run you through the sequence of events at night:
About 2:20 in the morning, on the dot
1- I awake to crying. It's probably gone on for at least a half hour. I lay there debating whether to go downstairs because it is frigid in the house
2- I get up and go downstairs (sometimes I fall back asleep, but she'll cry for hours until I come down. If I've fallen back to sleep, the "MOOOOOMMMMY" scream usually wakes me back up)
3- I walk count the stairs in the dark to avoid falling down them on my butt
4- I enter her majesty's chambers (aka the bedroom)
her: "MOOOOMMMY ROCK!! ROCK!! ROCK!!" (translation: do what I want or I'll scream)
me: "Mommy will rock you and sing the I love you song, then it's back to bed"
her: a scream/grunt combo that is terrifying to hear first person
me: picks her up
her: "BLANKET"
me: "No, we're only singing one song, you dont' need a blanket"
her: death grip on my right arm.
me: sings lovely song about how much I love her, even though I'm on the fence about that fact at the current moment
Then, I stand up. You know, we agreed on the fact that she would go back to bed, remember? Death grip increases in strength. It is a dance we both know all too well.
me: "Little Miss, Mommy's going back to bed. You are going to bed. You can either lay on your pillow w/ your blankets nicely, or I'll just stick you in the crib and you can cry."
her: grunt scream combo w/ death grip
me: "Fine, you can cry, I'm going to bed"
her: relenting. "blankets?"
me: "yes, I'll put your blankets on." Puts blankets on, gives kiss.
her: "bye mommy, luv you"
It is our little 2am dance. In the end, we both think we won a bit. though, the jury is out on who is correct.

See, probably not a good chance for three to survive, right? :) So, you can count me out of this stage. I'll catch you on the "everyone's kids are starting school" page...plus I'll beat you to the "everyone's kids are out of the house stage". :)

In other news, the plane ride to vacation was not as bad as I thought. Not much fun, but probably doesn't have to be rated as the 8 most excruciating hours of my life.

There's lots more to say, but nap time is over (Buddy has a fever again??), and I'm really supposed to be working.....

It has begun.

2008-12-20T14:27:00.000-08:00

Hard to believe that the Christmas parties are now upon us. First, I'll preface by saying that it is a blessing to be so close to family that we have parties to go to. But, there sure are a lot of them! :) This year is more 'tame' than normal because a few have doubled up. It just doesn't seem like it should be time for this already. I know that everyone says it, but it's true...the days and months fly by so quickly. Little Miss is already a month past a year and a half (which means we're on the downward slide to her "2 birthday" as we call them 'round these parts) and Buddy is nearly 3 and a half.

It is cold here. Really cold. I'm a wimp. I live here because, for the most part, it is mild all year. Sure, we get some snow so that we can say we've had winter, once in a while the puddles freeze, we have some "hot" days in the summer and we have markable seasons, but this aint no tundra. And, I'm not cut out for tundra living (nor am I ready to assume the natural gas bill that comes from heating a gigantic house in said tundra). See, it hasn't been above freezing in over a week! We have snow on the ground that shows no signs of melting and to top it all off, the blankety-blank pipes in my master bedroom keep freezing. It is now a sweltering 77º in that room and the water has been set to "perma-drip". I will not have them freeze again (if I can help it, which apparently I can't, or this wouldn't be the third time they froze!). Yes, I'm aware that freezing pipes is a bad thing. Yes, I know freezing them 3 times in a week is a bad thing. I'm aware. I just can't get it to stop. I guess the bright side is that the kids will be extatic to take their bath in their tomorrow and Buddy won't be giving me his sob story about how he needs to be carried because the tile floor is freezing!

So, I was supposed to be getting a new winter coat from Hubby and children for Christmas. I actually bought it myself on Black Friday because it was 60% off. But, I should have known, that is not good enough for my husband. Picking out your own gift is a no-no, and warrants a much bigger, secrative purchase. So, now I am the proud owner of an oober expensive Roomba. For those not in the know, that is a robotic vaccuum that will keep the pine needles and bread crumbs off my kitchen floor. Lord know my floor is disgusting and ridiculously hard to keep clean. But, I certainly didn't need him to spend all that money on one! He had to be tricky, too. Since I'm the "money" person in our relationship, I pay the bills, deposit the checks, keep the bank accounts, etc, etc, etc, it's pretty hard to pull a surprise gift off on my...espeically with the advent of online accounts. So, apparently he's been hording side money (I thought he was just delinquent in asking for people to pay him!) and giving it to his sister. He's been researching online (apparently when I'm in the shower) and then had her buy it and ship it to her house. And, like usual, he couldn't wait until Christmas, and gave it to me today as I was scrubbing the kitchen counter. He was worried the battery would freeze in his truck (remember the freezing cold I mentioned earlier?). So, he is a gift giver (obviously) and quite proud at himself for pulling off this without me knowing where the money or gift came from. And, don't worry grandma. Though this gift does plug in (a HUUUUGE no-no in your gift receiving book) it vaccuums by itself...so I don't think that counts. :) Though, what would you do after Sunday dinner if something cleaner the floor for you? :) Maybe the Pastors among us can clear one thing up for me. It needs to charge overnight, which means it won't be ready until Sunday to clean. Is it wrong for a robot to clean your floor while you're at church??? Hmmmmm....I'll have to see if it says anything to that regard in the paperwork.

Merry Christmas Everyone! May you all have time to reflect on the gift of God in sending His son to earth for our benefit. As Buddy gets older, it is harder and harder for me to understand giving your own (and only) son for someone else's benefit.

Drinking the koolaid

2008-11-16T13:51:00.000-08:00

Ah, so I've been a bit MIA that past month or so. What can you do? But, now, I'm enjoying my sabbath rest. I pitty anyone who does not celebrate their Sabbath. You people are TOTALLY missing out. It's a day of church, family and minimal everything. Like grilled cheese for dinner. What a great family tradition. I'm now the 3rd generation Sabbath Grilled Cheese-er. With ketchup, I should add.

So over the past busy weeks, I've been contimplating my participation in drinking the koolaid, so to speak. I don't think that I downed it all in one sitting, more liked I've been sipping it here and there over the past few years. Some how, I have come to believe that I should be able to do it all. To have some sort of a career, a family, a clean house, home-made food and time for myself, among many, many other things. Women have been fighting for centuries to "have it all". Turns out, in my opinion, "all" is a lot of work! I for one am taking a stand. I will try to embace my crumb-laiden floors as a sign on things that have gone by the way-side. The problem is that I do WANT it all. I want to have a job as an identity, to partake in adult conversations, to discuss things of more "importance" than where the missing duplos went. But...I also want to know where the freeking duplo went and to be able to fix that very important problem for a three year old. I keep coming back to wanting everything but not knowing where the balance is. For now, the balance is in working part time from home. That misses out on the 'adult conversation' aspect, but gives me much more time for the fleeting importances of childhood. I think I should tatoo that to their little heads...lest I forget in the throws of sibling fights, playdough in the hair, crayon chunks firmly embeded in the molars, 27lb, 18-month old, Tarzan strength toddler attached to the calf while in the midst of cooking a casserole soon to be proclained as "eeewwwy" by a critical 3-year old, that these things are FLEETING. Maybe head tatoos will catch on and become a new fad. ;)

That is the thing, though. Being home is hard and it sucks many days. Hubby got a MILD taste of this early this week. I had budget meetings to attend to, and it was raining. So, he heroically was home for a few hours mid-day to parent these mini genetic mutations of ourselves. After two hours you'd think he had performed humintarian acts warranting a peace prize or something. I was informed that we have no toys (translation: we have no RACE CAR toys that a 26-year old dad-kid finds entertaining) and that there is nothing to do (translation: we're stuck in the house and the house is no fun). I mean, God bless you women who are able to do it every day. I have to retreat to my office a day or so a week! And even more so, God bless you people who take care of children so that I CAN retreat to my office! I tell you what. I love being home with them, but I'll be the first to raise my hand and say I'm not particularly good at it. I delete the emails sent from other moms about cool projects to do with your kids. I pretend that we'll "someday" do the projects in the Highlight magazine that Buddy gets in the mail. Ya, we'll TOTALLY make that backpack-thingy, complete with glitter, someday! I'm just dont' enjoy that kind of stuff. So maybe I'm horrible. Or maybe I'm human. Who knows.

In growth news, Little Miss went to the dr on Friday for her 18 month check. She's apparently 95% for her height and bound to be a 5'10"-6' giant, somewhat like me. However, I hope to teach her at a young age that high heels were made for tall chicks too. Gosh darn it.

She is talking all the time. She has taken on a personality all her own. (No idea where she gets her stubborn streak...if my mom chimes in, she's a liar!) She throws fits the likes of which I have never seen before. And she's sneaky as the devil. That girl has her daddy wrapped so tightly around her finger it is unreal. She can FAKE cry, yes, cry on command, to get her way. In fact, this morning, she saw her daddy eatting a cinnamon roll. It played out like this:
LM: Bite, Bite, Bite, Bite, Bite
H: No sweety, you're in the tub, you don't need a bite
LM: (scrunches up face, puppy dog eyes, followed by big ole honkin tears) cries
Me: LM, No. Daddy said no.
H: (looks at me) Honey!?! But look at her? How can you say no to that?
ME: (eyes back on paper, monotone answer...knowing what will happen next) You just do.
H: (gives LM a bite) But see how happy she is
LM: (giggles and sits back down in tub, with frosting on her lips, smiles at daddy)

Seriously, how can I compete with that?! Bah. It's going to be a long 18 years, I think! Now with her talking, she is more devious than ever before. I think the three of them scheme to gang up on me....and I think the girl is their leader.

Buddy is still enjoying preschool, and schock of all shockers, his children's church teacher says he listens and obeys and is great. Huh? My kid? I mean we talk about listening an obeying at home, but it doesn't really seem like it sinks in, what with all the time outs and all. But, apparently he can manage some good behavoir when we aren't present. And the kid is a lady killer in his new little tie that he wears to church. What a cutie. And, after the whole riding the bike with training wheels incidents, I'm not sure if I'm going to be the parent of choice to teach him how to drive a car, though. Apparently I'm a bit short on patience. Huh. Who knew? He's quite the little daddy follower as well. He has recently taken to repeating everything we say at the dinner table, some times its a bit comical, other times...not so much! Nothing like hearing a three year old talk about profit, loss and other business items. :) Maybe I'll just call it educational.

All in all, it's hard to believe that the cold weather of near-winter have started to move in. I'm still in denial sometimes as I bundle them up in jackets, only to realize that it's freezing outside, and that winter coats with hats would have been the better choice. I cannot believe that yesterday marked the half-way point in November already, or that turkey day is next week. Apparently, time moves on whether you're ready or not. Funny how that works...

Calling Names

2008-09-03T20:08:00.000-07:00

Well, Buddy started pre-school last week. Both of us were very excited for the first day. I'm just not one of those parents who gets sad to take their kid to school. I've been dropping him off his whole life, first at day care, then at nursery, now children's church and pre-school. I see my job not as keeping him by me forever, but as training him to be a productive member of society (I'd say pre-school counts as a form of society) and making him a positive Christian force in the world. Plus, it's nice to have a three hour break. :) But, it's occured to me that I'm possibly cut from a different cloth than most.... I've talked to several moms who waited weeks or months before leaving thier babies in anyone's care. I think I lasted two maybe three days after coming home from the hospital before my mom watched Buddy so I could go to work for a few hours. That's just how I roll, people. I love my kids to death, but they are not my identity, I guess. I have no problem with people who don't leave their kids, it's just not how I could handle doing things!

I wasn't sad at dropping him off (he wasn't sad either, didn't even look up from his puzzle when he said, "bye mom"). But I was sad when I read his first letter from school detailing how we shouldn't leave kids out from birthday party invites. First, I just I'd better throw the kid a party some year... :) But more importantly, what 3 year old have you ever met who wouldn't want the whole world to come and give him/her presents on his birthday?!? I just don't know that I will ever be prepared for him to get hurt "out there" in the world. For him to be the kid who isn't invited to explain why kids don't like him. For him to be the kid picked last in some game at school or the odd man out. He's tough like me, but we're both closet wussies. (Now, little Miss on the other hand will throw punches first, takes names second!) I saw the way he looked at me when a kid took his train away. I watched him get left behind the big kids at the Relay for Life once, where he was trailing behind, just hoping to be included in the fun. That is the part I can't handle. he can grow up, move out, move on, but just don't hurt my baby. I'm warning you. I'm not a very nice person. And for crying out loud, can't we all just invite everyone to a stinking birthday party? what kind of world do we live in where we need to explain to parents that a 3 or 4 year old might get hurt if excluded. Come on now. My kid's hand-me-down clothes germs won't rub off on your kid, I swear.

Okay, enough of that already. :)

So, I've been taking Buddy to school via bike so far. You should see the weird stares I get from the mom in the Land Rover... :) But, we live all of a 1/4 mile from school and I think it's ridiculous to drive my car that far when God clearly gave me functioning arms and legs. In fact today we took the bike a few miles to do our shopping. I also ordered water reducing fixtures for my bathroom and kitchen and I'm a near Nazi at turning the lights off when there's an ounce of daylight. I've got my own reuseable bags for grocery shopping. Hubby has taken to throwing the slur of "greenie" at me of late. I know he'll never see it my way (we're both to stubborn to listen to people...good thing we agree on almos everything). but I feel that God calls us to be stewards of the earth and that Christians more than anyone should be "green". I'm not going to chain myself to a tree or anything. But I'm also not going to waste non-renewable resources if I don't have to. I'm not going to preach to anyone either, or tell the lady in the land rover to take a bike. I just want to do my thing quietly and not get stared at like taking your kids to school via bike is the equiviant to have a second head or a giant forehead wart or something. Just let me conserve our resources and save my money in peace, thank you very much!

So, my closet walker is finally walking in public. that's right, we had to get her shoes and everything. That was actually sad to me (and I'm pretty emotionless, as we've already discovered). Buying shoes to me meant that she's growing up. She doesn't need me anymore (just ask her!). She can scoop her own food, thank you very much. Someone said that I deserve her...but I'm sure that can't be true. So, it was hard for me to buy those cute little shoes because I had to admit that she is a big girl now.

All in all, it's been a few crazy weeks with a lot of ups and downs. But as always I'm blessed. Just remember, invite my kid to your parties darn it.....

Not enough hours

2008-07-16T20:13:00.000-07:00

I'm sure that everyone else must feel this way, but there seriously aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done. I walk into other people's homes and I swear everything is picked up and floor is vaccumed daily. Heck, I can't even get the dinner dishes into the dish washer most of the time!! I'm not sure how everyone else does it. I swear I'm not wasting time....I'm just not sure where it goes.

Well, we've moved into our new place. All 2,800something square feet of it. I've become obsessed with turning light of, keeping water usage down, turning off power strips to the tv, etc. I mean with double the sqft of my old house, I'm not only running around twice as much (plus the stairs!!) but I'm also probably creating twice the utility bills. We've got big plans in life and right now they all require saving as much money as humanly possible (or at least that's how it feels). So, Hubby is near divorce (apparently) bc he doesn't want to get off the couch to turn the power strip on to get the tv on. So, his pay back for that is that he's filled up the hot tub on the deck. Probably the cost of water and electricty that I've saved all month down the tube. Typical. So, I could hardly clean the 2 bathrooms and one giant piece of carpet in my old house. Now I've got three bathrooms and a big pile of dirt out back for the kids to play in. You do the math, my house is DIRTY!! Plus, I've apparently upset a number of spiders and flies who are getting their retrobution by building webs faster than I though spiderly possible and flies who are trying to throw frat parties in my kitchen. I can't win. Then Hubby was trying to do chin ups or something on the beam in the kitchen (obviously), and it was a bit grimy, apparently. He looks at me "That's gross, didn't you clean it?" I bit my tongue. I wanted to say "I can't remember, did you get that one when you were cleaning the house for us to move it, or was it when you were cleaning the old house for the new tennant?" Arg. Men. They think they do all the moving because they lift one washing machine. They pack no boxes. They clean no cupboards. They direct no traffic. They unpack no boxes. They vaccuum no carpet. They put nothing away. Yet THEY think they do all the work when it comes to moving. The next time I move (Lord please make that be when I die!!), I think I'll lift the freaking couches, the "guys" can do all the other work. Plus, I drink beer, eat pizza I didn't order or pick up and smoke cigars on the back porch. Yep, I'll do all the hard work next time around. Maybe I am ready to move again....

Meanwhile, since I had a few extra minutes every week, I decided to go back to school. Another quality Hubby comment last night as I was doing a paper and getting ready for mid terms "So, how long is this going to take? If you say 2 years, I'm finding someone new." me "For what" him "to hang out with at night". What's a girl to do?! Anyhow, I'm enjoying the school part and had forgotten what it was like to read something longer than a grocery list or debate things other than who had the pillow first or why we wash our hands after we pee. But, I will admit that it has taken a bit of time. I'm not a neat office person by nature, but my office literally looks like my printer took a ream of paper and vomited it on any horizontal surface, including the floor. There are papers, bills, invoices, portions of text books, calendars, coupons, even the occasional coffee cup strewn about my office. But, I know where everything is. Well, at least that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Well, I no longer hear noise from the montitor (yes, in a 2800something sqft house you actually need to use the baby montitor to hear the rug rats), so I think it's safe to take a shower.

I am woman hear me scream

2008-06-12T21:04:00.000-07:00

So, I'm a pretty self sufficient individual. I grout and seal my own tiles. I mow my own yard (on occasion, though I WILL NOT use the edger). I don't consider myself to be a sissy. But, there is one thing that I certainly need a big strong man, any big strong man, for. Mice. I've threatened to sell my house bc of one mouse. I've sat on a bed entertaining a 6 month old for an house due to one. I am proud to say that when I saw one today I did not drop Little Miss. I may have screamed and ran back into the house, but I did hold onto my baby girl. I did not leave her behind. Now, why mice you may ask. Because they are disgusting in every sense of the word. They are dirty and they make my living quarters dirty. I think it all boils down to their tails. They are disgusting beyond all reason. I found mouse poop in my pop corn popper 4 years ago. I have not touched it since. It is at a garage sale for 50 cents this weekend. I will never use it again. It's just how I am. I draw the line at mice. Ick.

Now, you may think that due to my mouseaphobia I would like cats. You'd be wrong if you though that. I am fine with the fact that many people like animals. Good for you. I, however, do not. Not even a little bit. Here's the part that gets me. I have children. I accept the fact that not everyone likes children, even my cheribs. That's great. I don't let them tresspass on anyone's property. I certainly would NEVER let them climb all over someone's car or poop in someone's flowerbeds/lawn/sandbox. Then WHY, I ask you, WHY do people think that I WANT THEIR ANIMALS ON MY PROPERTY? I think I'm going to start sending Buddy to people's houses to poop on their front lawns. it's the only thing I can think of to stop this problem. I am constantly throwing cat poop out of my babies' sandbox, chasing cats out of my garage, sweeping bark back into my flower beds and chasing animals off my lawn. Why because people let their animals have free reign? If you love animals, good, super, I'm so very happy for you. But keep them and their crap on your own property. Period. Otherwise....my son may have a gift for you. Consider yourself warned.

Do as I say...not as I do.

2008-05-31T14:26:00.000-07:00

Ahhh yes. Leading by example. Not something that I'm a big fan of. :)

I was thinking of this today as I was making baby food. I was putting the spinach in the blender as I was eating chocolate chips out of the cupboard (any wonder why I can't lose weight??) I tend to keep most of my "bad" eating as closet eating so to speak. "No, buddy, you keep playing, mommy needs to get something in the kitchen" (that's parent speak for, mommy needs sugar, baby, but you can't have it) I would eat lunch after they went to bed. But now, it's even worse. They eat their good lunch of one green and one orange veggie plus some fruit and I chow down on chips and salsa. Little Miss tries to give me bites of bananas, but I HATE bananas. Yes, I know, I'm terrible. But at least my kids have a fighting chance at eating healthy...as long as they don't catch me in the pantry, I guess! Hubby keeps giving me a hard time and has forbid (yes, forbid) me from packing spinach in his lunch box for school. Apparently he think healthy eating can get you beat up or something.

So, room sharing sucks. Both kids think that it's funny to make faces and gang up against parents who just want them to sleep! But.....

The good news is that as of July 1, they will each have their own rooms!! HURRAY!! We are officially moving, though plans have changed so much. We do feel like we see God's hand leading us in this new direction. We will be renting from 2 great people who have a house w/ a shop. A nearly 3,000sq.ft. house, I might add. How in the world am I going to find time to clean it?? But Hubby will actually be home a bit more and we'll save on diesel, YEAH. And, I just received an application for renting our house out. I feel like everything is falling into place.

Okay, am I the ONLY person who wasn't on Facebook?? Seriously, I put my name on there and somehow I've got like 5 friends already (more than I have in real life, mind you). Apparently everyone I know is on there. Crap, most of the time it's all i can do to get my email daily! Someday I hope to do more than have my name on there...someday.

When did I become and adult?

2008-05-08T14:22:00.000-07:00

As I stare down the barrel of Little Miss turning one on Saturday and my birthday later this month, I've been left wondering for weeks now, when exactly did I become a grown up? Was it when I got my first car? When I started buying my own furniture (3rd grade, a desk from BEST, Hubby says I'm a nerd. Only a nerd would buy a desk)? I digress. Was it when I started working every day? When I got married? When I bought a house? When I had kids? When we started our own business? When exactly did I become what I figure I've got to be by now?? Maybe this is the most difficult time in life, (or maybe it's the easiest). The time when I've got two little kids who demand full attention, a husband busy trying to build a business in what I've now come to realize is a decently high cost of living area, a career of sorts that I'm trying to keep alive and/or build on, the time when I feel the pinch of not enough money, hours in the day or family time to go around. I think the harder part of it, is I'm surrounded by too many successful people who are quite a bit older than I am. My "keeping up with the Joneses" (okay, sinful jealousy) is less about the car in the garage or the clothes that we wear, but more with the size of my net worth and the size of our savings and ROTH IRA. I think God's way of keeping me in check is a little thing called self employment. Part of me feels like it was a road I was genetically predisposed to pursue. My dad did it. His dad did it. God has been keeping me on my knees (okay, praying while vaccuuming or cleaning the bath tub I figure counts just as much as praying anywhere else!), through this. Knowing that our daily bread (and worse now, another family's daily bread as well) literally depends on the work that we can line up, by His providence on a day to day basis. Somehow when I've clocked in at a job, that dependence never struck me. I mean logically we all realize that we could lose our jobs at any point in time, but when I've worked for someone else it's been less obvious day to day. And for me, a type A personality who like to have things planned, a road map set in place, dependance has been a tough pill to swallow. Anyhow, being an adult kind of sucks. :) That and spending $800 a month on diesel. But that's another story.

Buddy has decided (against my wishes, mind you) that he does not need to take a nap every day. Seriously, who told him that was a viable option? If it was you, I will HUNT YOU DOWN. You have stolen sacred time during my day! He is getting so big and is so excited about his sister's "one birthday". Telling me that I have to put her present in a pink bag. (When it is his birthday, he wants a blue bag).

Little Miss is still boycotting the whole walking thing. But she's got two new top teeth. Which was a big production! So we're celebrating the small victories. The stinker, though. The girl won't say mama. Won't. She'll babble dada till the cows come home, but just try to get a mama out of her!! It is so hard to believe that she's one in a mere two days. But, it's even harder to imaging feedings through the night, a child who wouldn't eat (if you saw her tighs, you'd say I was a liar that she was itty-bitty anti-eater for a long time!) and a teeny-tiny who could only lay around. What a lot of developing/growing and skills children acquire in the first year!

Speaking of children...I think I hear them making noise. The hallowed 2 hours must be over.

Thing one, thing two

2008-03-31T19:51:00.000-07:00

I know that everyone is different. Intellectually, I knew that having a second child would mean that they would be different than the first, but nothing can truly prepare you for how different they can be, even at a young age. Buddy was a great napper. Up until 12 months or so, he would give me two 2 hour naps every day like clock work (this is not to say that I didn't do anything to get him on a good schedule), but he was a great napper. At night, you could put him down in his bed and within minutes, he'd be sleeping. Now, this is not to say that he would (or will, for that matter) STAY sleeping. No, I can probably count on one hand the number of nights I've actually slept through. I've tried all the tricks, too. Now that he's 2.5, he not only wakes up at night, but doesn't see the need to go to bed in the first place. Little Miss, on the other hand, though naps were for sissies, at least naps longer than an hour or so. She's finally gotten into the groove and will give 2 or even a blessed 2.5 hours at nap time. However, GETTING to sleep is something like a circus. You put her down for a nap, or even for bed at night, and she spends at least a half hour climbing around her crib, dropping her dipes or pacifiers over the railing, hiding under her blanket, crawling around, singing to herself, basically entertaining herself until she can no longer resist sleep. But, once she's out, she's out. Like all the books say. Were she the only one in the house, I'd be getting a solide 11.5 hours every night, if I wanted. Alas, she is not the only one in the house!!

Personality is so different, too. Just a day or so ago, I told her "NO" when she was trying to put her finger in an outlet. The chain of event was: fat lip, huge tears, heart wrenching sobs, and then throwing herself face down on the floor to cry. Drama Queen, thy name is Little Miss. And it's not the first time she's thrown herself to the floor. Take a toy away and you'd think that you had amputated part of her body, the way she sobs...even if the only reason you removed the toy from her death grib was to put her arm through a sleeve in her shirt. Something tells me the teen years are going to be...a challenge, to say the least.

It's also facinating how I used the same methods of solid foods on both, but Little Miss is much pickier about what she allows into her mouth.

With two very strong willed children, you might think that Hubby and I are like minded. We are not...just ask our parents. ;) I think my mom said something to the effect of me deserving it...but that doesn't sound right to me. Just look at my photo album, I was an angel. Just ask me.

I had the most wonderful thing happen last week. I got to run, all by my lonesome. I forgot how much I love to run w/o having to push a stroller. It was glorious. For a half hour I can crank up some terrible music that I could never listen to w/ kids in the car (all I need is for Buddy to repeat some of that stuff in Nursery on Sunday...), to sound levels that as a partent I can no longer allow, and I can run and forget about everything else in life. I guess, some people drink or do drugs or smoke, but if I had my choice, I would excersize, all by myself. I used to walk every day when I got home from work, some people talk about their day, I walk or run to put it behind me. I very much miss having that hour to myself every day, but then again, I wouldn't trade it for all the questions about "what happened to that tree mommy". (well, maybe some days I would...)

Little Miss is already on her second bottle of meds from the dr in her short life time. Another way they are different! Buddy didn't even have a cold until he was over 9 months old. Poor Little Miss has gotten to know the rectal thermometer. Sorry, sweetie, it's the only way!! This time it was apparently a very severe cold, two top teeth coming in and an ear infection. She was the most pittiful little things for three days. Hubby called her "Dopey". She slept all except 5 hours during each day and then snuggled for those awake hours. I am so glad, though, that she is the 2nd, not the first. It's not nearly such a big deal when you're a pro at the nasal aspirator, can re-fill a humidifier in the dark and can give doses of Tylenol in your sleep. But...it's still sucks to have a sick baby you can't help. Thank goodness the Dr. takes good care of her. (Though I think the Dr. was worried about letting me take her home as I was trying to put Little Miss' diaper on backwards. I joked "you'd think I was new at this" and the Dr asked "well, how are YOU feeling?" Oh great, another call to CPS.) Just another wonderful parenting moment!!

Time marching on

2008-03-12T19:54:00.000-07:00

We have just passed March 10, which means that Little Miss is now 10 months old. I cannot believe how quickly the time has passed and that in a mear 2 months we will be celebrating her birthday. How can they grow up so very quickly. I tried to see if she would fit back in my stomach, but she was wiggling too much to see if she could ball up enough to fit in there. Bummer. I asked Buddy if he would fit in my tummy and he gave me a sort of odd look. Guess when you're wear "meeska, mooska, Mickey Mouse" underwear you don't want to be a "baby" anymore.

Having children that share a room is a unique experience. Seems like everyone now a-days is giving every child there own room. Something about that stinks. Though they frustrate me to no end, it is hillarious to see how they interact together at this young age. One day there will be barking and laughter, another day, Little Miss is peaking through the crib slats and Buddy is making faces at her...or just climbing into the crib to play. Tonight, Buddy came running out of his room "i just don't know what she is doing with her frog, mom, I just don't know". Me neither. She was taking the lid of the frog humidifier and banging it on the crib. The way they interact has me constantly entertained. Soon, too soon, though, I have the sinking feeling that they will gang up on me, and that I will be sadly outnumbered.

On the house front, we continue to have a number of showings but nothing serious enough. We've decided to get a storage unit for a few months and store all the extra furniture, everything from the closets we're not currently using and stage the house, more or less. I am loathe to admit that I'm renting a storage unit. I make fun of "those people". What, you have too much crap to fit into your house, so you have to pay someone to store it for you? It's like a black mark on my record. I justify it by saying that i don't NEEEEED it, it's only to sell our house. It's the same feeling I get about myself bc Hubby's truck has to park in the driveway and that side of teh garage has crap in it. When it was the F350 diesel, it was just to flipping big to fit in the garage, yet I am terribly embarassed. I also make fun of people who keep vehicles outside. Yes, I would say, Keep your $2,000 worth of crap in your garage and your $20,000 vehicle on the road. Yet, here I am again making excuses to why my truck is in the driveway. Last week we bought a new truck. Yes, be jealous of my 1987 GMC S15 with 176k miles, no steering column, un working window, skull floor mats, and dial radio complete with American Flag header. ALl we need is girly mud flaps. But, now that the big truck parks at the shop, I feel this terrible need to park the little truck in the garage and have a glorious empty driveway. So...if I get a storage unit to house my crap and get my truck in the garage...does that make it all better? (Except in this case the vehicle is worth less than 1k...hmmmm, this logic may not stand up) When we brought it home I saw our 70+ year old neighbor lady checking it out from her driveway. I'm believing that she was jealous. Maybe I'll get her girly mud flaps for Christmas this year....

For Sale

2008-02-26T20:05:00.000-08:00

2 children. Ages 9mos and 2yrs, one w/ blonde hair, one bald. Free if you taken them in the next 20 minutes.

Seriously, though, that's how my day has felt. Let's rewind a bit, though, shall we?

Early Saturday morning, I woke up to the pleasant surprise of having the flu. Ofcourse Hubby didn't feel super either, but, well you know how useful men are when they're even remotely sick. Men sick=completely useless. Anyhow, Saturday I was pretty much down for the count except to lie on the floor next to Little Miss and pretend to play with her. My mom was nice enough to come over while I was in bed during their nap time to help me out. But there's nothing like missing your weekend to make your house disgusting. Anyhow, mid way through my fever induced coma on Saturday night, around 11;30, I heard Little Miss literally screaming in her crib. I kicked Hubby out of bed to see what was wrong. Well, she has thrown up every where. So I got to spend most of the night up with her either in the chair or in my bed. (Oh, and if you were wondering, now both kids have puked on me in one week's time. Super) Anyhow, finally today I was feeling mostly back to normal.

That brings me to the children that I am ready to get rid of. I put them down for their naps today at right around 1pm, like normal. Nothing special about that. Well, about 2 minutes into "nap time" i heard some very loud giggling out of the bedroom. Buddy had climbed in the crib and they're playing. He is put back in his bed with what I thought was stern warning. 2 minutes? Giggling. Stern warning. You can see where this is going. Between him getting up to go potty every 15 minutes, or playing in his room, or teasing his sister, I had about had it. It was now 2pm. I took away his one tv show...Curious George. This wrought from him the scream of "Now I stay in my bed Mommy!!" Too late mister, too late. Now, what brought me to the drastic measure of taking away God's gift to 5:00pm, Curious George?? Well, it could have been all the times he did not listen today. It could have been the large amounts of pureed green beans that I had spit in my face at lunch time, it could have been the fact that our battle of wills started this morning at 5am. It could have been a number of things. But it ended with taking away the beloved monkey.

Did I mention getting spit on at lunch? I was asking myself today, at what point does "creative parenting" become "doing whatever it takes to bribe/entice your kid to do what you want" Where exactly is that line in the sand?? I spent 20 minutes this morning lovingly cooking and blending green beans for Little Miss. Come lunch time all she wanted to do was spit them at me. A loud "NO" brought her to tears....and then covered me in more beans. So I decided to pile the whole bowl worth on her tray. As she squished it with her fingers, I grabbed bits with mine and she ate it off my finger (note, two baby teeth, very strong and very sharp...this did not help my mood for the day). So, is that "creative parenting" or giving into the bean spitting monster??? And, does it really matter? I think she ate like 2oz of bean. Score one for mom in my book.

Little Miss is also crawling now. Finally decided to make the big move to being mobile. I forgot how much fun that was. Buddy is also reaching new milestones...we've gone a number of days with real underwear on. However, yesterday, he went with grandma to the coffee place and had a lot of water. He was playing too hard, ran into the bathroom and just couldn't get the jeans off in time and there was pee everywhere. I came in to tell him it was okay and he was having a breakdown that "my favorite Elmos" were wet. He refused to put underwear back on. Oh the will power of a 2 year old. His new thing if you ask him a question is "let me think about it", he pauses about 15 seconds then "ok, I got it" followed most of the time by "I dont' know". Still cute, thought. We moved LIttle Miss' crib matress down the other day. Something about that makes her feel so big to me now. Like she's a big kid not a baby I can easily kiss good night anymore. Today, on one of my many "go to sleep" nap visits, she had pulled to her knees and was peeking through the crib slats. A big girl, not my baby. How very quickly it goes by. How very quickly...

I think there is a reason that God put sleep at the end of the day. He knew that mothers would be so sick of their children, but there is something about turning the hall light on, opening the bedroom door and looking at a tiny mouth open, or a body sprawled across a bed or a frim grip on a teddy bear (even when sleeping) that makes it all worth while. He knew that for the human race to survive, that sleeping baby image needed to be the last one for the day. I'm off to kiss the kiddos.

Oh yeah, I guess they aren't for sale anymore.

What ever happened to my memory?

2008-02-22T17:14:00.000-08:00

Seriously. I think my short term memory decreased by 30% or more every time I had a baby. And, it's not like there aren't a million things to remember anymore. For instance, today, I tried to log onto the business' checking account. After verifying my account number, typing in the "what do you see in this box" text, I got to the questions. now, I know that once upon a time I set these questions up. I recognize them. I know the answers to them (except the, "what is your favorite cartoon character"....I have no idea!!), but son of a gun, I could not get them right. Then, of course I was "locked out" for not knowing my own stupid custom questions. I called the bank, they unlocked the account. I tried again, still the wrong combination of words!! Locked out. Call again, and said, You know what, just cancel the account and let me start over with new questions. then it asked for my internet password!!! Well, if I don't know the answer to my own questions, I highly doubt I know my internet password! Anyhow, I've started to print out the lists of all of these questions, I have a 4 page document w/ all of our log ons and passwords, bc no one requires the same thing. Some want a weird character like *()_&^ in my password. Others, won't allow it. Some need to be 4 letters long, some require capitals and lowercase, some between 8-12 numbers. Honestly, I can't even break into my accounts!! I really hope I don't die, because there is no way Hubby would be able to get money or pay bills!! I've told him where this hugely important document is, but...we'll I've got good money on him not remembering that. (and he doesn't even have the kid excuse!) So, if I had a decent memory, maybe I could remeber 150,000 different log in and pass word combinantions, but Lord knows, I'm trying hard enough to remember where Buddy put his shoes let alone how to get into my bank account. Now, I know all this security is for my protection, I can appreciate that, but I should atleast get some kind of a cheat sheet...it's only fair. Like "what day last week did you get thrown up on" or something I can really remember.

The one, true emotion

2008-01-23T06:27:00.000-08:00

Man it has been busy around here. the only reason i'm even able to get on now is due to the fact that my computer is rendering video...and i don't want to disturb it with any other graphic design program that may or may not slow it down or even crash it. it's tradeshow season for me, which mean that it's crazy busy. so much for working 10-15 hours/week. i'd say we're solidly in the 25 category...which means i'm only 5 hours less than i was when i was ft, but w/ only 1/2 the childcare. i guess that's why it's 6:30am and i've been working for over and hour and a half already...and i slept in.

i've decided that guilt and inadequacy are the only true emotions. i feel like i've been a crappy mom, carting the kiddos along to mommy's office w/ the fun game of let's draw on the whiteboard while mommy gets files uploaded or for little miss, here, play with this plastic cup and sit on my lap. then there's the fact that i feel like i'm always behind at work...should be doing more. then, i finally found 5 mins to stop by the store to pick up w2 forms on monday...hoping to find time over the weekend to get all the year end gov't forms filled out b4 the 31st deadline...plus the house is a disaster, i haven't found time to work out in like 5 days. in my spare time, i like to read parenting magazines. to read them, every mom can be working full time, bringing the kids to playgroups, while carving out a date night with hubby every week and a girls night out, an hour to herself every day and cooking healthy meals where the veggies are shapped like puppies. good night, where do these people live and where does their time actually come from? let's see the last time i spent time on my hobby was october. i've never done a playgroup and my family has to eat plain old steamed coliflower. on the bright side, though, i managed to fit in a shower last night! wahoo, score one for me. i can't even find time when hubby is home to get my freaking hair cut! seriously, where do you people live??

on a positive note (i guess) i hired a housekeep from now until the end of next month at least. now i feel guilty....who am i, the queen of sheeba that i need someone to clean my bathrooms? dh, of course, say "well, what are you going to do on saturday now that you dont' have to clean the house?" hmmm...maybe the laundry, or the cleaning that she doesn't get to in her 2 hours....or maybe i'll even do something really glamorous...like balance the check book! (ooooooh, some girls have all the luck) of course, i also still have to get up every night w/ the kiddos bc i'm the mom (and i don't have to work). i love ya, honey, but sometimes.......

we're still in the process of selling the house, more lookers but nothing exciting to report. i just want to be done, one way or another. i'm sick of cleaning for people to look around. the house we were looking at is pending inspection, so i guess that one comes off the list. maybe we'll just live in a cardboard box.... i guess, if someone wanted to give us another 200k, we'd be able to find a place. i'm just not willing to be a slave to my house. i want it to work for me...not the other way around. there are a lot of nice houses for 500k. again...not the queen of sheba, so not going to happen!

anyhow, buddy and little miss are doing well. we cannot believe how big buddy is. we're at the "why" stage, and the "i do it" stage. i hear this can last for the next 16 years.... but, he's a good kid overally and smarter than i'd like. little miss is getting too big, too. i can't believe that the baby is only 3 months or so away from being one. how does the time go by. i do my best to enjoy it, but it still flies by when you're not watching. somewhere between making dinner, folding laundry and naps, they just grow up.

well, video is done rendering...let's hope it worked this time.

Some cheese with my whine.

2007-11-16T13:52:00.000-08:00

I always joke with my mom that there is no "normal" month to budget from. But, seriously I could use one. Just one, that's all I'm asking. Let's run down the expenses since Sept:
Well, there was a trip to the Zoo and a hotel stay, around $250 if you want to count gas. :) Then there were two new carseats for the kiddos, around $300. Then there was one year's worth of grocery money (at least it better be!), $3,000. Then, a golf ball hit the window. $165. Then, the furnace needed to be serviced, $108, and the rooms painted to put the house on the market. $200. Then, the dryer died. Service call $48, new washer and dryer, somewhere in the $1,800 neighborhood. Then we put our house on the MLS, $595. Then, I talked to an accountant and we owe $2,000 in taxes. Then Hubby brought his truck in to be serviced. We just got an estimate for $3,100, apparently calipers, a rear differential, u-joints, rotors, brakes and some transmission leak. Then Hubby tells me we need new tires. If I were a MasterCard commercial, I would end with "Having a well stocked emergency fund? Priceless". (oh, please don't add up all those numbers, you don't want to know the total. Trust me.) And that's just since September. Don't even make me recall the first half of the year!!

Oh, did I mention that Christmas is next month?

Seriously, one normal month? Would that be too much to ask?? maybe, just maybe Murphy could take 2008 off?

Oh, did I mention that our property was reassessed, and our property taxes are going to be...let's just say painful...next year.

Maybe I don't want whine and cheese...maybe just a really big martini...or two...or three...

In other news, Buddy has decided that he no longer cares about using the potty. Except when DH is home. Oh well, except that pull-ups are not cheap!

All right, I am officially done whining now. :)

Really though I should not be whining because God is good. We have our health (except that Little Miss has a cold agian...I think she was healthy for a grand total of 8 days), we have a happy family, God (through my hard working husband) continues to put food on the table, heat in the house, and clothes on our backs, and when it comes down to it, that is really all we need; everything else is just a bonus. So, we can only be thankful that He has provides our daily bread. I look around and see so many people hurting, so many children living without, so many parents who have to work multiple jobs just to survive and I have no right to ever complain about my life. We have never been left begging for food, and God has continued to be faithful to us. So, I guess my MasterCard commercial is less about a healthy emergency fund, and more about a gracious Heavenly Father. Because in the end, we don't deserve any of it. Especially not the Christmas presents.

Living in Limbo

2007-11-09T13:44:00.000-08:00

It seems that everything is in limbo at our house right now. And let me say that, for the record, living in limbo sucks.

So, our house is still on the market. Our effort has been ramped up (insert sarcasm here). Basically, it's on the MLS and if someone calls us, we show it. But that means we're living in a house without anything personal, no family pictures, no books, no real extras. Sure, I could cut it down more, but then the kids would have nothing to play with. I'm not in a hurry to sell, I could live here for a long time, but I just wish it would be over one way or the other. I'm sick of throwing dirty dishes into the oven, throwing toys into the washing machine and anything laying around into a random drawer when someone wants to come see the place. I just want my own house back. I'm not sure WHAT we will do about Christmas. Probably put a tree up and that's it. I mean, it looks a tad cluttered and "personal" with our hope chest full of Christmas deocrations. So, anyhow, now we just hang out and wait.

Also, last night was the first night Buddy had to sleep w/o his "pipe" (pacifier). We (I say we, but it was Me, Hubby said he could care less if Buddy kept his pipes until kindergarten...) had him give us his pipes, throw them in the garbage and then he got two new Veggie Tales Movies. Ofcourse, Hubby was a weenie and stashed a back up pipe on the top shelf in Buddy's room. We can't give it back now, or we'll never be able to get rid of it. If we give it back just bc he cries, he'll just ALWAYS cry. Hubby's a softie...so I end up always playing "bad cop". So, we're in limbo land of "no pipe, but not over the pipe". Fun. Also, today Buddy decided that he was a big boy and it was time to use the potty. Where did that come from?? I've been asking for weeks and always get the "no, not today mom" answer from my 2 year old. But today, we went potty 6+ time w/ only two "oops" in his pull up. Again, where di that come from? it's like overnight he gave up the pipe and decided to no longer be my baby in any sense of the word. So I guess I'm committed at this point to finishing potty training. But again, in Limbo: "no diapers, but no trained".

In all of our looking for houses, I've decided that I have some deal breaker issues, they include:
- mater bathroom. I won't budge on this one, I decided
- attached garage
- living room & family/bonus room
- 4 bedrooms
- Sep. laundry room
- More than 1 bathroom (seriously, is that even an option???)
I've seen a lot of houses, but I will not move anywhere I don't get those things. It's just not worth my hundreds of thousands of dollars to have to share a bathroom w/ my kids, or haul them out of the car in the pouring down rain. It's just not. However, if it gets me out of living in limbo....
nope, still wont.

Bit the bullet

2007-10-14T16:26:00.000-07:00

It has been quite a weekend around our place. We've been getting the house ready to put on the market for a couple of weeks now. I'm in the midst of repainting most of the rooms in the house. Nothing like a nice, fresh coat of white paint. Man, even if we don't sell, I just feel so much better about the newly painted walls and baseboards. So easy to cover nearly 4 years of wear and tear with a gallon of paint. Anyhow, so, we finally filled out the forms, sent in our $595 and listed our house on the local MLS. It's a bit daunting to think about packing up and moving, but as I paint wall and pack up all of the personal items, it feel less like my "home" and more like the place I store my crap. Hubby doesn't know, but tomorrow's project is to pack up all of the John Deere stuff in the office. Once my parents get back from vacation, I'm moving a bunch of furniture into their shop. Yep, it's not very home-y around these parts anymore. We go to look at another place tomorrow...so we'll just have to see. I'm getting pretty picky about the places we look at. I don't want to settle and be stuck w/ my choice for the next 40 years. We feel like whatever move we make at this point will be "it" until...well, until a long ways off. So I don't want to say it's "good enough" and be cranky about it for...well until. :)

And wouldn't you know it, as we're trying to get ready to sell and open up our home to the critism of strangers, our dryer dies. Yep. Apparently lint got stuck in the paddles of the dryer and basically was scortching every load. All of our clothes smelled like burnt crayons. They STUNK!! The repair guy said, "if it doesn't go away, you'll have to buy a new dryer". Well, after an expensive box of febreze dryer sheets and only running the dryer after letting it sit for at least 2 hours, all of the sudden yesterday at 3pm, my house was filled with the stench of burning crayons...again. So, we threw in the towel and went to the appliance warehouse. We decided that if we were going to buy a stupid dryer, we might as well just buy a complete set and be done w/ it. I've always wanted an energey efficient washer, anyhow. So after running back w/ the F350, Hubby brought home our "ding & dent" Whirlpool Duet dryer and the brand new Duet HT washer. Apparently this washer only costs $10/year to run. We'll see how it does w/ all the spit rags! :) Of course, then I had to run to RiteAid to buy new HE laundry detergent, so my pair cost me $1860, plus an $9 bottle of new soap. It is always something around here!!

In other news, work is busy for me and my office is a mess. Buddy is getting big. We carved pumpkins the other day, and he did not like the oozy innerds of the pumpkins. :) Little Miss is almost ready to sit by herself. But, she hates to use her legs. Goofy girl. Okay, minutes until Hubby & Buddy come back from the play ground, then it's the gourmet grilled cheese before church.

So who am I...

2007-09-08T14:12:00.000-07:00

Hubby and I went to a wedding last night of one of his friends from "back in the day". The thing that interests me about weddings, is that it's the 1-2 times per year that we run in to people we know, but only see at well...weddings. For the 4 hours or so that we are with these people, we can make some small talk with. We realize who we basically have nothing in common with anymore beyond the "so what are you up to these days", and the people that we've started to have more in common with, and you can never really predict who will eventually fall into which category. Then, we get home and say a few times "Man, he's put a bit of weight, huh" "didn't know they were having a baby" and all of those types of things. Make me wonder who I am... When the rest of them get home, am I the person that has "put on a bit of weight" is "wearing way too short of a dress" has "really let herself go" has "not quite bounced back from the last baby" or am I the "do you know if she works" person. I supose the comments aren't all that nice sometimes, but, I guess is human nature to speculate or compare people to the people they were 6-7 years ago when you went to school with them.

I love my life, don't get me wrong. I really would not have done anything differently, given the chance to do it all over again, but it is at these types of functions where I often don't feel "good enough". Nope, I didn't finish school. Does that bother me? Nope. Well, at least not 90% of the time. (besides, I can go back if I want to...so take that everyone!!)

So, then, who am I? I guess I'm the person who got married young, didn't finish college, had kids young, and has probably put on a few pounds! :) (But, I'm going to be the one having fun at 43 when my kids are both out of the house!!)

Speaking of kids, I cannot believe that Little Miss will be four months on Monday. That's 1/3 of a year for goodness sake. Where does the time go. I just wish she'd let me get some sleep at night. I'm getting sick of basically being up at 4am for the day. Buddy, on the other hand is driving me nuts when he's awake. Everything is "no" or pushing the limit somehow. Whether it's running down the street when I take him out of the car (for a little fella, he can sure run fast) or his refusal to let me change his diaper, or any number of things that escape me at this red hot second, he is certainly declairing to me "I'm my own person, and I want to do it MY way". (in fact, I let him wear his ScoobyDoo slippers to the grocery store yesterday. It just wasn't the battle I was picking for the morning!) He must get that from his father......

Speaking of kids, I have noticed a trend that I cannot stand. What makes parents think that they need to take their children everywhere with them. What happened to ADULTS ONLY social events? What happened to the good 'ole babysitter, for crying out loud. If people are nice enough to leave their children home, it seems to be always with "grandpa & grandma" (um, my parents have a lot better things to do on a Friday night than watch my kids....). In my humble opinion, if you have kids, you need to learn to pay for a baby sitter. Is $30some too high a price to pay to have 5 hours away? No, it's not. And, just so you know, NO it's not cute when you bring your kids everywhere with you. I'm sorry, it's not. I didn't pay MY babysitter $7/hour so that I could come and watch your children for you, or put up with them when I was trying to get away from kids for a few hours. Leave them home. It's okay. It's healthy. Really, it's okay.

I feel much better now.

Proud parenting moment #162

2007-08-16T13:37:00.000-07:00

let's run down a list of my "proud parenting moments" from the past week. Well, first was Saturday. I heard a cupboard close so I kicked hubby out of bed to find out what Buddy was up to. (at 6am, mind you) Well, he had gotten a chair, climbed on the kitchen counter and gotten the salad spinner from the top shelf. he was "making cookies, daddy!". And quite proud of himself. Then there was Sunday. I heard him again. Kicked Hubby out of bed. This time, he had emptied the entire contents of the cupboard beneath our bathroom sink into our closet. Then, he moved on to better things, namely, "making cookies". This morning, he must've had more time, because he had poured an enitre bag of whole wheat flour into the salad spinner and was eating it with a spoon. Yum. Then there was Monday. The pinacle of my proud parenting moments. (I hope you're catching the sarcasm by now...) Well, we got up to find him standing by the stove, giant knife in hand, cutting himself a piece of bannana bread. All the knives were out of the knife block and he had eaten the top of the load of bread (the part with sugar on it, of course). I think we have created a monster. I could tell you about the time I thought he went out to find Hubby at the Lake House and he came in a half hour later, wet from the waste down, because he was playing bubbles by himself in the lake...but I don't want to make myself look bad.

In other news, Hubby is on his fishing excursion. And wouldn't you know I've gotten two phone calls today of people who want bids, and I have no one to go out and measure the yards. Of course not. Buddy is very upset that his daddy is gone for a few days. Oh well.

Little Miss is getting so big already. I can't believe it. My baby is gone. She is still smoochable, though!

Things for me have settled in a bit. I've come to terms with my filthy house. I just wish that Little Miss would tollerate stroller rides, or car rides, or her car seat. She's not as bad as Buddy was as a baby, but not much better either. How's a girl supposed to excerise if the baby screams in the stroller, I ask you?!? Oh well, I guess I'll just be fat. :)

Well, their both sleeping, so I'd better get back to it.....

Long weekend

2007-08-04T19:33:00.000-07:00

This is weekend one of two this month that Hubby will be MIA. I guess you could call this weekend the dry run, since he's not home, but not gone. He's covering for his BIL on the farm, which mean chores in the morning and at night. The only benefit is that he was going through an "I wish I were a farmer stage" and well, this killed that! :) He said he wished it was more like his John Deere Farming computer game...and you could just hit exit. Too bad that isn't an option in real life!! When he's not at the farm this weekend, he's got a tractor pull. Lovely. In two weekends, it is the big fishing trip. They leave Thursday am at 4 and aren't back until Sunday. Apparently it's not a big deal to stay home w/ the two kiddos is you're the "mom". :) When I try to leave to get an hour or two of work done, it's a whole different story!

In other news, Buddy is now officially "2 fingers" as he says. He is such a chatter box. Everything from "baby einstein" to "what's the deal, mom" to "after nigh-night, lake house" can be heard every second of the day at our house. He even jokes w/ me now, which is funny. We played playdough for nearly an hour this afternoon, and only had to stop bc Little Miss woke up, not because he had had enough. He was so excited about this birthday, especially the balloons. He still keeps the birthday cards he got...."happy birthday bug", "tigger & pooh happy birthday" he could tell you about all of them. His new favorite activity is to go to the lake house. He asks about it at least every day, sometimes many, many times per day. I'm not sure if he loves it because we're outside playing in the sand/lake all day, or bc every time we go there, "bramma" comes too. :)

Little Miss is growing up way too fast. I'm trying to enjoy every minute of it...and I do, except for the times she wakes up at night. I don't think I'll every look back on those fondly and wished I'd enjoy them more, so I think I'm okay. :) I don't think I've ever met a baby who is so smiley....all the time she is smiling so big it looks like it should hurt her face. Speaking of which, I've GOT to take more pictures, and video too. it's sad knowing that this is the last time we'll ever do the baby thing. Not so sad that I think we should go for an encore, but sad. I'm sure everyone feels that way...even if you have 20 kiddos. You know that they'll never love you as much or look at you with such awe as they do when they're three months old. :) She's very good, too, so that really helps. Doesn't like the stroller or the car seat, either, but I guess I couldn't have a perfect kiddo, right!?! :)

Work is going well. It is so strange to think that I've already been back at it for a month already. In some ways I feel like i never had any time off (which, I guess I didn't....there wasn't any weeks where I didn't do any work at all!). My 10-15 hour a week job has turned into more like 15 on a good week, 20 on most. That's a part time job that I'm trying to fit into one day and a 3 hour morning!! No wonder I feel like i have no time. Just keeping up w/ the book for Hubby is taking time too, I ended up spending my Friday night last night paying the bills and balancing the checkbook for them. Nice. What a rockin' Friday night! :) So, needless to say, I'm a bit behind on the house stuff. I should hire someone to help, but I guess I feel like that's admitting defeat of some kind, like I can't handle it all, when clearly I should be able to. :) I just don't like to do any of it when the kids are up (which is 90% of the day!). I know that I'll never look back and remember filthy carpet, but I'll remember playing playdough for an hour on a Saturday. But, still, I can't bring myself to put up the white flag and hire someone to help out!!

Next weekend we're going out. I can't remember the last time we went out just the two of us. You see, babysitter nights (at $6/hour) are precious so we normally use them to do something w/ friends. But next weekend is our 5 yr anniversary, so we figured we'd better go out and do something. :) I think it's going to be dinner, glow golf in the mall and the cold stone creamery. We thought about a movie, but haven't been to one in 4 years, and we'd hate to brake out streak! :)

Well, I should get back to it. My long weekend by myself it nearly (one day left) over. :)

Somthin's got to give...

2007-07-06T21:57:00.000-07:00

I tell you what. Something has to give around here!! There are not enough hours in the day. Not that there ever were, but it's gotten worse. Between trying to work enough consulting hours, trying to keep Hubby's business' bills paid and invoices sent out, jobs lined up and estimates completed, the little time that both Buddy and Little Miss sleep is just not enough. I guess that's why it's 10pm on a Friday night and I'm on the computer entering receipts and finishing up desk work. I already put in 18 hours consulting this week, and I should've done more, but there just wasn't enough extra time. I was going to go in tomorrow, but Hubby came home and informed me that he's working all day tomorrow again, so there goes that idea. When the kiddos are up, I don't want to (not to mention it's not physically possible) to do anything besides either play with them and/or keep them from destroying themselves and their surroundings. This is a full time job. :) So, I think I've decided that it's everything that has to do w/ my house and or my hobbies (no, I don't really have any.....) that are going by the way side. I'm considering hiring someone to clean my pig sty of a house. I can't handle it any more. And, I doubt that Hubby is going to jump in and mop the floors. :) Not that he has any time to do it either. I'm not complaining, I think I'm just realizing that I cannot do 3 hours worth of work in 1 hour. It just can't be done. Try as I may... Hmmmm...the other thing that's going by the side is exercise. I wish I could fit more in, in fact it's normally the highlight of the day for me, but well, it's ending up on the cutting room floor, so to speak. Due to the fact that I feel like it's a bit out of control over here, I depend WAY too much on my mom. Don't know what I'd do if she didn't live nearby. She pitches in and watches the kids when my "it will only be 3 hours at work" turns into 5, or when I have to wait for an hour in the waiting room at the doctor or lab for one kid or another. God bless her. :)

We went and looked at another house tonight. Of course, to Hubby it's the best house ever. They all are. We'll just have to see if this one works out. It's not my dream house...but then again, none of them ever are.

Okay, it's now after 10pm and I haven't showered yet and I've got to feed Little Miss in, oh, about 25 minutes, so I'd better get to it.

In the car...again

2007-07-03T13:09:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a busy couple of weeks. I have exactly 18 minutes before I have to feed the Little Miss again. Oh, now it's only 17. I can think of at least 10 other things that I should be doing right now...the floors are dirty..I should file our sales tax for June...oh, I should file our federal taxes...it's the end of a quarter, so there's paperwork for that...I should.... well, I should do a lot of things!! But I'm not.

I been driving back and forth to bring Little Miss to the Dr. for the past week and a half. She developed jaundice again. This morning was the 3rd time she's had to have blood work done, and this afternoon will be the 3rd (or maybe 4th??) Dr. visit to see how she's doing. The good news is that's they are concerned, but we think it's under control. But it sure isn't a lot of fun to do baby blood work every other day. I even had to do a urine collection, good times! :) She aslo has a cold from her big brother so she can't really sleep. It never ends!! :) The other good news is that she's packing on the pounds. She was 10lbs 2 oz at the Dr. last Thursday, up from 9lbs 15oz at her Tuesday visit. Buddy has been doing really well with all of the car rides, waiting rooms and whatnot. He pretty much thinks that any time we get into the car we're going to the Dr. Between the 10 or so visits and blood work for me the week before Little Miss was born and well child visits, eye dr...I think we pretty much go every week. In fact, we've got some kind of appointment every Tuesday for the rest of July. Yep, "stay at home mom". sure. Speaking of Dr. visits, at my 6 week check, my Dr. again brought up Little Miss and her crazy placenta. She even drew me a picture. Apparently it was a very serious thing that could have made for a very serious problem for Little Miss, but God is good and we didn't even know about it until after she was born and everything was okay.

Speaking of SAHM, yesterday was my first day of "official unemployment". Not really, it was my first day as a contract employee. I got up at 4:15 and made some coffee and went to work. As in, I closed the door to the office. I think the whole working from home thing is going to go pretty well. I may need to put a lock on the door for Buddy, though! Now I've got my little bro to come and build me a new computer. Mine was fine, but I need something better or I might as well watch the grass grow when I'm editing video or working on a big poster!! Not that it's any worse than my work computer....but I'm impatient!

Hubby has been staying busy with work, client meetings and meetings at church. I just cannot believe how fast the weeks go by when we're always feeling busy. It's a good busy, but some weeks I'd just like to have nothing to do. :) Nah, we wouldn't like that either.

Well, it's now 7 minutes until feeding time, and I'd better get a bag packed for the Dr. (Didn't bring anything w/ me to the lab this morning, spent and hour in the waiting room, and had a lovely blowout poopy diaper I couldn't really do anything about. You'd think that I was new at this or something!! Nah, not new, just unprepared!). So, I'm packing a bag for this afternoon's trip, thereby guarenteeing that there won't even be a wet diaper to deal with...they never happen when you're actually prepared. I also need to start and upload of a file for work.....Guess I'm not going to get to the floors. :)

She's here...

2007-05-24T13:27:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it's been a while again, but Nemo has made her debut. I blame the delay on her. :) She was born May 10 and tipped the scales at 6lbs 9oz. Yep, she's a bit on a smaller side! That's okay, though, we like her just the way she is. And, she was 10 days early. It was a crazy first few weeks of May at our house. I went to the Dr on the 3rd for a routine check. Turns out my blood pressure was too high. Since Hubby and Buddy were with me, I blamed them for stressing me out all the time. Which is the truth. However, the dr didn't buy my good excuse and they were a bit concern (seeing how I was puffing up like some kind of parade balloon!) and sent me for blood work at the hospital. By the time we got home, the dr had called back and told me that I was borderline for pre-eclampsia and that I was not going to be working anymore. Yep, my worst nightmare, bedrest. Anyhoo, so I went into work on Monday (wait, hear me out!) at 8am, not at 4:30, and it was only for a little bit.......and I had to call the dr. Well, then I got in trouble for being at work (I swear, it was only for a little while!!) and had to go in again for I can't even remember what anymore, it was either blood work or a non-stress test. Oh wait, the NST was on Friday. Blood work on Saturday, so Monday must've been just a blood pressure check? Anyhow, my labs came back bad, and they scheduled me to be induced on Wednesday and I was put on much stricter (is that a word?) bedrest. Ug. Ug. Ug. Anyhow, Wed came along and I got bumped bc of 3 emergency c-sections and nurses calling in sick. Had to go in for another NST. They moved me to Friday. Then they called and moved me to Thursday. :) So Thrusday am we finally got to go in at about 7:30am. They hooked me up to Pitocin and broke my water around 11:15. Long story short, Nemo made her way into the world after 4 minutes of pushing at 7:27pm. Buddy loves his little sister. :) She's been such a good baby, too (except for feeding issues...). She's very content and easy going...and it looks like at this point she likes the car. God is good! :)

So, now I'm on leave for 5-6 more weeks, but I'm still working 3-5 hours a week. Really, I don't like work that much...I'm just too darn important! :) hahaha.

Anyhow, time to feed again....3 hours goes by very quickly. Especially the 1.5 when both Nemo and Buddy are asleep!!!!!!!

Feeling like a kid again

2007-04-21T13:09:00.001-07:00

So Thursday was a rough day for Buddy and me. Our day got rearranged because we had to run into town to get a business license for Hubby, that shot an hour and half out of our afternoon. Because of that, I felt bad making him sit in the stroller for our usual walk, so I decided to let him play outside instead. He went for a 45 minute trike ride. Well, sort of. He doesn't like to use the peddals (too much work, I guess) so he just sits on it and pushes with his feet. Anyhow, after that we were playing in the yard and he was being naughty, so, since the neighbors were outside, I took him to the back yard and we sat on the back steps to talk about how naughty he was being (oh, did I mention that he was screaming when I brought him back there?!?) Anyhow, so we talked about it and I told him he could go play. Well, he decided that he wanted to jump off the steps (4 or 5 cement steps high). I told him NO because he would get an ouch. Anyhow, so he proceeded to walk down the steps, but on the last 2, he fell and sort of into the down spout. I didn't think he was hurt, just scared/mad like usual, but there was blood on his nose. So, now, I have a bleeding child (screaming again) and I have to go around to the garage because the patio door is locked. I'm pretty sure the neighbors were about to call me in. :) Screaming again...and now bleeding from the head. As it turns out, he just scraped his nose up a bit. But over the past few days, there are quite the battle wounds on his face. I blame his father, though, because that night, Hubby thought it was BERRIES on his nose and went to town w/ the wash cloth trying to clean it off.

So, after this, I decided that we'd go for a quick bike ride. The bike trailer is hooked up to Hubby's bike, which I hate to ride because it has those stupid things on the pedals to keep your feet in, or whatever it is that they do. :) Anyhow, on our way back to the house, I stopped at a cross street w/ a cross walk, since I wasn't walking I was going to wait for the cars to go, but this truck kept doing the stop & start thing. You know, I stopped, he stopped, so I started to go, as he started to go, so I stopped, so he stopped. Anyhow, at some point during this, I came to a complete stop, and my left foot got stuck in the stupid pedal, and well, I lost my balance and down I went. Lovely. Felt like a kid. My palm was all scraped up, and I have a nice, bloody knee. Nothing like a giant pregnant person on a bike w/ a skinned up knee. :) :)

Feeling like a kid again

2007-04-21T13:09:00.000-07:00

Too smart

2007-04-10T13:45:00.000-07:00

Well, a quick update since last time. We ended up making the drive to look at a truck on the 31st, but someone else beat us to it by about 30mins. Long story short, we found a different one at about 7:00pm, and bought it and were driving home about 9:30pm. Long, long day. I can tell you one thing, though, car dealers aren't prepared to hear the words, "No, we don't need financing." It sure feels good to say it, though!! Nothing like walking in with the title, writing a small check and walking out with a new vehicle. Also, thank goodness for cell phones and the internet!! We were able to Blue Book the new truck while the sales guy went to get the keys....saving us about $5,000. :) Anyhow, now we're the proud owners of a 1999 F350 diesel truck. It's huge. And it has a 38 gallon tank, ouch!

In other new, Buddy is too smart for his own good!! How did my baby become such a little boy...and one who always wants to get into trouble?? So his new thing, if he doesn't want to go to bed, is to whine and say "song" over and over. This means that he wants us to sing him songs. Well, we go in there and tell him "ONE song, Buddy, and then it's nigh-night. Only ONE song." So, I was in the shower last night, Hubby goes in there and Buddy holds up one finger "One song" he says to Hubby. "Okay, ONE song" say hubby. Then, Buddy adds his thumb into the equation... "No, TWO songs" he says. Gosh darn it!! Let's just say that a laughing daddy is hard to take seriously!!

And, he's naughy.

Saturday he colored on the door.

This morning, his daddy was sleeping, and Buddy got up and proceeded to flush (or attempt) to flush and entire roll of toilet paper down the toilet. We had a similar experience Sunday morning. Hubby fell alseep and woke up and couldn't find him. He checked EVERYWHERE, no kiddo. Finally he heard him make a noise. He had gone into the bathroom, shut the door, and proceeded to redecorate the room with toilet paper. At least that was less messy than the time he tried to redecorate his room w/ lotion....

Anyhow, when I haven't been chasing the stinker around the house, I've been trying to take naps. I got another cold, and this one has knocked me out...again. Thanks to being up w/ a sick Buddy, I just can't seem to catch a break this year. I soooooo want to be BETTER. Oh well, what are you going to do??

When it rains, it pours

2007-03-29T13:56:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that this is the last week of March. And, my goodness, what a week its been.

Well, it started off with Monday. Hubby was driving to the shop for work, when low and behold he got a speeding ticket. His first ticket in 6 years. $153. Nice work dear. However, we are contesting the ticket bc our local law enforcement agent wrote that it was a 50mph speed limit, when the road is actually 55. Here's hoping.

Then there was Tuesday. Buddy has still been sort of sick and has been keeping me up at night, so guess who's sick now. Yep, me again. Lovely. Also on Tuesday we decided to put an offer on the "infamous" fixer-upper that we've been looking at for the past month. No, we haven't sold our house yet, thanks for asking. Do you want to buy it?!?!? Right now we're staring down the barrell of carrying two mortgages, does it get more fun than that?!? This house needs major work, and we'll find out Friday if they took our low-ball offer. When I say a lot of work, I'm not joking. Should keep us busy until the baby comes. hahaha.

Then there was yesterday. Hubby's partner got a piece of large equipment VERY stuck at a job site. They came back to town to get something bigger to pull it out when, low and behold, Hubby's truck starts smoking. So, today we can pick the truck back up and hand over $900+ for new calipers, rotors and brake pads. Oh, and did I mention the rear brakes are going out too? That will be another $500. Nice, very nice. So then, last night Hubby and get to talking about vehicles, we were planning on trading in the F150 next spring for a diesel, but the price of gas right now is killing us. So, we went online and found an F350 (year 2000) for sale for exactly the same bluebook value as the trade in on our truck. So now, it looks like we'll be making the 1.5 hour drive on Saturday to possibly buy a new truck.

Well, the bright side of the story is that it finally stopped raining, literally. The past two weeks have been so wet that Hubby hasn't been working much. But God is good, the sun is finally out, and now they're working 6 days a week to try to catch up and put some money in the bank. We've been teaching Buddy how to pray for the sun at night before he goes to bed. :)

Buddy is a jabber box lately. The other night at dinner, he pushed his plate away and kept saying "men, men, men". We couldn't figure out what he was saying, until I asked him, "Do you want us to pray?" YES!! He wanted us to pray so he could say Amen and be excused from dinner. What a character.

It's finally nice out and we can take walks and play outside. However, now on every walk we HAVE to stop by the ducks in the local pond. He even makes sure that I bring "treats" (Cheerios) to feed the ducks. :) Do it once w/ a toddler....and be prepared to do it 100 times.

I've got a Dr. apt tomorrow. After this I have to go every other week. I can't believe it. I'm not really looking forward to the all exciting weigh in...since my legs have ballooned to 3x their normal size over the past few weeks. Ug. Oh well. My weekly baby update told me there's only 40 some days until the baby is "due". Goodnight, that's not near enough!!! :) We haven't even really begun to even think about the baby coming yet! But I suppose we'd better....one of these days.....

March already??

2007-03-02T12:47:00.000-08:00

I for one refuse to believe that another month has gone by. Good night, where do they go??

Well, I suppose the biggest news (hahaha) at our house is that Buddy now refuses to go to sleep at night. Flat out refuses. We put him in bed and about ever 35.75 seconds, he is climbing out. He was getting quite sneaky at it. He is still at the age where he thinks that if he can't see you, you can't see him. It would be humorous if we weren't so sick of it!! He thinks that if he averts his eyes, he has rendered himself invisible to both Hubby and myself. So, once he spots you looking at him, he'll drop his head, and continue to sneak off the bed. Little bugger. We now basically stand at our post at his door after laying him down. First I get to shower, then I take over and Hubby gets to shower. It's quite a system. At the first hint of noise, we pop in there, lay him back down and wait outside the door for 35.75 seconds, then pop back in...again and again and again. Let me tell you, we've tried everything. He laughs at us when we punish him, dances around if we ignore him, and will sleep if we hold him down and lay next to him. But, that's not a habbit we want to start. We have to go away tonight, and all I can say is "good luck babysitter". The poor girl doesn't stand a chance.

Other than that, the big news is that my company has decided to accept my proposal to work as a consultant for them after the baby is born. This is what I was hoping for, so I'm quite excited. Hubby is excited too, because he told me, in no uncertain terms, that he would not take care of 2 kids in the mornings btw 4:30 and 7:30 and get them to day care. So, it's a big relief to know that it might acutally work out. I'll still be working 15 hours per week, but it will mostly be from my home office. I'll still have child care for the kiddos, but 15 hours beats 30 hours in my book. Also, it's only going to be one morning of getting up at 4, so that much it AWESOME. Getting up at 4am is starting to really suck. :)

In pregnancy news, I have only one my dr. apt before I have to start going every other week. I can't believe that it's getting that close already. I don't mind being preggers, but I am constantly tired, weigh a ton, have hemorrhoids, and for the last months get contractions about 1 or 2 times per day. (Now, I hate complainers, but I don't consider that last sentence complaining because no one MAKES you read this, now do they. You can here of your own free will. :) Too bad for you. :) )

Anyhow, I think that's all for now. We have this wedding to go to tonight, and good night, I will be glad when this is over. I don't think that people who are getting married understand that NO ONE cares about their wedding but them....but that's a whole'nother topic completely.

Catch up

2007-02-13T12:52:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe how quickly the weeks have gone by.

Nemo keeps growing, or at least I hope it's Nemo, bc I'm certainly getting huge. I now have to get a running/rolling start in bed to get up. Not a pretty sight. The best part is there are still 3 months to go. Maybe by the end I'll just have hubby shove me out of bed. :)

Buddy is getting so big. The last few nights he's been a little hyperactive, running around like crazy and not wanting to go to bed, oh well, what are you going to do?! One of his many new things is to point to the stero and say "dance". Which means that he wants to rock out to his Sunday School song CD. He dances all over the house, and I just skip along behind him. It's quite comical. Also he's started to be big into coloring, he even made me some pictures at Grandma's house this morning.

Meanwhile, we're trying to sell our house by owner, but the house we were looking at is now off the market...so we don't know what we're going to do about that. oh well. It has been nice becuase Hubby has actually gotten to some of the projects that we always said "yeah, we should do that someday", and have never gotten to. (Hence the reason our front door is still not painted...you know, we really should do that someday...) For instance, we re-grouted the tile floor in our master bathroom in January. Our house is only 4 or 5 years old, but the grout was gross and cracking out. We've patched golf ball holes in our siding, re-caulked our windows (which apparenlty you're SUPPOSED to do every 2 years...who does that?!?!), and last night at 7:15 we started to Dremmel out the grout in the shower. By 10pm we had the whole thing re-grouted. Not bad for an evening's work. :) Now all we have to do is patch the hole in the wall where we found a slight leak. Of course, now that the bathroom is torn to pieces, people REALLY want to see the house. We told them we were too busy until Friday. Which is true. WE are busy patching the hole in the wall. We're just not telling them WHAT we're busy doing! :)

Anyhow, that' about wraps up the update. I've got to be a bit better about keeping up with this. I also should eat more vegetables, so I can't do everything.......I think I'll go have a cookie.

Christmas 2006

2006-12-26T12:50:00.000-08:00

It's hard to believe that Christmas is now past. Well, I guess it's not really past yet...we have one more party tonight, bringing the total to a mild 4 for the year. Not too bad at all. Even worse than that is that we already have one planned for December 22, 2007. Yes, only 361 days until our next Christmas party (well, after today, anyhow).

As usual, we have all gotten way too much stuff. Between cash gifts and other presents, we, as always, have many things to be thankful for. I am especially thankful that we managed to get over all of our colds before this past weekend. I was really sick, and luckily, Buddy only got just a little of it. He was such a trooper, lasting until 9pm one night and a couple nights until almost 8. We even got to go to our Christmas Eve service...thankfully it was at 6pm this year. That's makes it so much easier to take Buddy too. :)

Nemo even got a present. How's that for nice. He's not even born yet, and someone decided to give him a gift. Unisex, of course.

** Okay, I suppose I better clarify, NO we do not know that Nemo is a boy or a girl, but it's just easier to refer to him/her as he, instead of it (I hate that!) or him/her all the time. So, don't read into it too much, I'm just being a lazy typist. **

Nemo has been fairly active as of late. It's probably all of my coughing spazism, though! :) We have our 19ish or 20ish week appointment on Friday. This would be the big ultra sound where they could tell us if Nemo is a boy or girl (see, I COULDN'T even know yet!!), but we're going to pass, just like we did with Buddy. It's kind of nice that Hubby is self employed this time around; he's actually able to a lot of appointments. I give him credit, he hasn't even missed one yet. That's impressive. :) It will be fun to see the little bugger again. :)

Well, I hope that everyone else has had as Merry a Christmas as we have. We've eaten too much f0od, been given tooo many gifts and had some good time with family.

Merry day-after-Christmas to all.

Just another day

2006-12-12T13:24:00.000-08:00

Today is a day of random thoughts.

I can't believe that we are this far through December already. We tried to finish up our Christmas shopping on Saturday. What a zoo the mall was! We thought we were finished, only to get home and discover that the CD we thought was the Phantom of the Opera sound track, was really only the sound track to the movie. Bummer! So, now, I've got to make a return, and still find one last gift. I think the internet will do just nicely. No fighting the crowds from my little keyboard.

I hate insurance, it makes me quite cranky. But, I've got to hand it to my insurance company. They employ really, really nice people. For instance, I called up today because I got a bill for $108 for some lab work. However, our plan (this year anyhow) doesn't have a deductable or anything. Turns out my doctor sent the lab work to a "non preferred provider". I thought I'd get stuck with the bill, and was cranky about it because who wants to spend $100 on lab work, and not Christmas gifts? But, the nice lady actually talked to her supervisor and got me out of the bill, since I didn't have a choice as to where my Dr. sent it. What a nice surprise.

Sent out our Christmas letter and photo yesterday. That is my favorite thing to do. I spend half the year deciding what to write in the letter!

Nemo is kicking up a storm, now and then. Hubby can't feel it yet, and it bugs him. However, I tell him to be patient. I think Nemo and Buddy are conspiring against me. I have to either get up 4 times a night to go to the bathroom or comfort Buddy. By the time Nemo comes home to live with us, I'm going to be used to no sleep! I'm in training, I guess!

Well, I'd better sign off.......I've got to pee again.

Back to reality

2006-11-25T13:01:00.000-08:00

Well, Hubby and I got back from our vacation earlier this week. We had a wonderful time, great weather, and lots of sleep. :) I think that was almost the best part. We both slept in until 9am most mornings. With buddy getting up at 5:30am...that's practically a whole extra night's sleep! :) We saw some beautiful places, too. We both thought that we'd be able to spend a week in St. Maarten (French or Dutch side). St. Thomas was nice, but we did like the other island better. I was hoping to see the actual Bahamas, but we went to the cruise line's private island, so it was more of a sandy beach in the middle of the ocean than it was "the bahamas". But no complaints here!! We both decided that cruising is totally worth it for us. Hubby eats so much during the day, that our $600 per person for room and food is SOOOOO worth it!! I'm sure he consumed at least $600 in food in the week by himself! :)

Well, as nice as it is to be away, it was really good to come home too. Buddy did actually miss us, so that was good. :) I was worried he'd forget all about us. However, he did get me back the first morning at about 6am. I asked him for a kiss, and he shouted "NOOOO". The little stinker.

Since we've been home, it has been so busy. We were able to ease back into the week, with Thanksgiving, but come Monday, it's back to the normal schedule. I just don't know how much longer I really want to get up at 4am. It kind of SUCKS. Work in general sucks...but hey, what are you going to do.

Heard Nemo's heartbeat for the first time on Tuesday. That was awesome. Buddy was running around in the room the whole time (not taking HIM to any more appointments), but it was still pretty cool. I'm also getting pretty fat already. I can't believe how much sooner this time. Man oh man, I'm going to look like a huge whale by the time we're done with this! :) Oh well, what are you going to do! :) At least Nemo sounds healthy. A good strong heartbeat...from what I can tell, anyhow!

Why, why, why

2006-11-09T13:32:00.000-08:00

When I was little, my parents taught me a good lesson. If you don't have the money for something, you don't get to have it.

Simple lesson, really. Then why doesn't EVERYONE learn it?!?!

Okay, here's the deal, last week I found out that someone named Damon Butler stole my credit card number. Yep, that's right. If you're reading this, I hope you take a long walk off a short cliff. A high cliff, too. With lots of jagged rocks. Maybe with a fire breathing dragon at the bottom. Oh and some pointy sticks to land on. And... Okay, I'm getting side tracked. Anyhow, as it turns out, Mr. Damon Butler decided that he wanted to go on vacation. From San Fransisco to Atlanta, I'm told. But, unfortunatley for me, Mr. Butler could not afford said vacation.

So what did he do?

What every self respecting American would do.

He stole my money.

And those nice, non-English speaking people at Travelocity don't seem to care. Maybe in India where they come from people steel $1,300 of other people's money all the time. But, let me tell you, I am NOT OKAY WITH IT.

Damon Butler, get this through your thick scull. You don't have the money...You DON'T get to go. Bottom line. End of story.

So, now I'm left with stupid Bank of America "investigating" this report of a fradulent charge. So Damon is partying hardily in Atlanta, while I have to cancle my card, file numerous reports, talk to 20 people who don't speak English, and change everything that is direct billed to my card. I AM GETTING PUNISHED BECAUSE HE IS A MORON. What is wrong with this picture?!?!?! Ug. They had better get this straightened out...because I leave on Saturday for a vacation that I ACTUALLY PAID FOR. WITH MY OWN MONEY.

Imagaine that. My own money.

You know, if parents just taught their kids that they can't have everything...I think we'd all be better off.

What's in a name?

2006-10-19T13:04:00.000-07:00

When I was pregnant with Buddy, it took Hubby and I one night with "the name book" to pick out the only buy and girl names we actually liked.

No so this time around.

I think we have gotten into more arguments about names than I can count. Why is it so difficult for two people to pick out a stinking name?? It really shouldn't be that hard. And, it wouldn't be, if he would just agree with me for once, instead of insisting that we should name a boy "Lofa" after the Seahawks player. I mean really. A name that rhymes with Sofa? I think NOT!! Stupid, if you ask me. I will not name my kid after a football player. I refuse.

So finally, the other night we find a boy's name that we can agree on (NO, it's NOT Lofa). It actually happens to be a name I suggested a long time ago and Hubby nixed. But now that HE brought it up, its the greatest name on earth. Whatever, at least it's not Lofa. Then comes the worst part. As if picking a first name wasn't bad enough, we've got to choose a middle name. Mind you, it has to be a family name, and apparently it's a "dumb" idea to use our names as middle names, huh?!? Oh, then you need to add to it that Buddy has the middle name of one of my grandparents (which HUBBY chose, by the way), so apparently now it HAS to be someone from his family. Let me tell you, we've got some pretty bad names to choose from. So, then when I suggest using a name from my family if its a girl, he throws a fit becuase BUDDY has my family name already. I said, "no way! If Buddy had been a girl, you wanted her named after your grandma, but he wasn't. That's not MY fault, you don't get both names. Nope. Not both." So, now we don't have a girl's name.

And, no, it will not be Lofa.

I wanna vomit

2006-10-12T13:06:00.000-07:00

Okay, not the best title.

Only one week and one day until my first official dr appointment! I'm so excited! I have been feeling a lot more positive about the pregnancy in the past few weeks, mostly because the bleeding has stopped...and I've felt like CRAP everyday. Hurray! I don't puke, but man sometimes I wish I would! :) That and I'm tired all the time. Yep, I'm the life of the party. Went to bed at 8:20 last night. Went to bed at 7:50 on Sunday night. Hopefully I can get some energy before vacation.

Only 20 some days until vacation, and I'm finally getting excited. I can't wait to sleep in, take naps and lay in the sun. However, I did have to buy a maternity swimming suit. I don't want to look like a fat person trying to pull off a bikini. Which is exactly what I look like. I cannot believe how big I am already. Wow, the 2nd time around is REALLY different! We booked our excursion the other day, $84pp. CHOKE!! But it will be worth it. We're doing some zip link thingy in St. Maartin. Should be totally awesome. It says you need to be in good shape. I say bring it on!!

In other news, I am so sick of work. Well, not the work, just some of the people. I feel like I work in with kindergarteners. Really. It is so petty and immature. Oh well, what can you do. QUIT IN MAY!! :) hehehehe.

Update...

2006-09-29T13:31:00.000-07:00

Just to update, we had an ultrasound on Tuesday and Hubby and I got to see Nemo and his/her heartbeat. It was wonderful!!!!! The miracle of life will never cease to amaze me. Now there is a teeny-tiny little human in there, who, in 30some short weeks will make their debut on the planet. Now, how cool is that?!?

So, even though there has been some bleeding and continues to be some, it looks like for now, all is well.

-K

Rules, Rules, Rules.

2006-09-29T13:19:00.000-07:00

On soap box.

So being preggers used to mean you had a certain glow about you, men gave up their seats on the bus and you had an excuse to cry whenever you wanted to.

These days, being preggers means a list a mile long of rules.
1. Don't carry anything over 20lbs. (What am I supposed to do w/ my 28lb 14mo old??)
2. Don't eat deli meat. (Try and stop me.)
3. Don't eat peanut butter. (Again, HAHAHA.)
4. Don't sleep on your stomach, don't sleep on you back, and really, if you want to be a good mom, only sleep on your left side. (I'd just like to get some sleep and however I can manage that is just fine by me.)
5. Don't drink/eat any caffine. (Have YOU tried to get up at 4am? yah, didn't think so.)
6. Don't eat unhealthy things. (Too bad, all I crave is french fries.)
7. Don't be too stressed. (I won't even be commenting on that one...)
8. Don't eat tuna or any number of specified fish.
I could go on and on. How is a person supposed to live by so many rules. I mean, I know that some of them are really bad, but at what point can we stand back and say, I tried my best, the rest is in God's hands.

What the heck is a working mamma supposed to eat? Apparently it needs to be full of fruits and veggies, and contain no lunch meat or tuna. That would be alright if I GOT to take a lunch break, but I don't.

Anyhow, I will follow some rules, but at the same time, I WILL heft my son around kingdom come, I WILL eat PB right out of the Jiff container (speaking of which.....), I WILL eat deli meat (okay, I'll warm it up first as a compromise). I WAS going to keep drinking half-caf coffee in the morning, but now it makes me want to throw up, so HEY, no problem there anymore! :) And I will continue to be stressed...it's the only way I know how to function. :) And, last but not least, I will eat some crappy food...just because it tastes good.

Off soap box.

The waiting game

2006-09-23T12:42:00.000-07:00

Well, we've been on pins and needles the past three days. I've had some bleeding since Thursday. We've done blood work and everything seems okay, but we won't know for sure until the u/s on Tuesday. We've been praying very hard for Nemo. We know that God has His own plans, and that they are better than ours, but too often I'd like to tell Him how it should be done. We love Nemo already, and want him/her to be a part of our little family...however, only time will tell.

I think that the waiting is the worst part. Thursday was by far the worst day. I never had anything like that with Buddy, and it was very scary. Still is, I guess. Part of me gets mad. I have friends who have had or are going to have babies that they didn't want. Surprises, mistakes, you know. It is hard to understand why they are allowed to have beautiful babies when others, who very badly want children, are denied. The doctors say everything is probably fine now, but it has opened my eyes to the pain of others, even if just briefly.

Due to the fact that we needed someone to watch Buddy while we go to the dr on tuesday, we had to tell my folks. :) Instead of using our planned "I'm going to be a big brother" shirt, Hubby had the idea to go to Build A Bear last night and build Buddy and baby bear. Buddy loves his new puppy. He and Hubby practice giving it kisses and feeding it its bottle. Very cute.

So, now we just hope everyone who knows will keep our secret until we're ready to let it out in November....Hmmm....I wonder if we'll make it??

Flyin' me away

2006-09-18T19:44:00.000-07:00

Well, the word came down from on high today. I have to go on another biz trip.

In the BB days (Before Buddy, that is) I used to really want to go on biz trips. I'm not sure if they made me feel important or what the deal was, but I kind of enjoyed it. I never had to go away a ton, just once in a while. Hubby never liked it, he always accused me of "leaving" him. Although I will admit that it is much easier to be the leaver than the leavee.

Well, these days I avoid going away at all costs. They let me out of my meeting last October, they let me out of the "during the season" travel I normally do last September, but in January, when Buddy was 6 months old, I had to take my first trip to a tradeshow, and then another one in Feb. But, mind you, I did cut them short!! :) But he was little then.

He's big now.

I really don't want to leave him. Arranging child care is a pain in the rump, but I won't get to tuck him in at night. The worst part is that I KNOW he'll give me the cold shoulder when I get back. And, I'll only be home 2 days before I have to go to work again.

To top it all off, it's only 2 weeks before Hubby and my planned vacation. So, now I really feel like I'm deserting him.

What is a working mom supposed to do?!?!

Oh so tired

2006-09-13T20:04:00.000-07:00

Well. Life has been incredibly drama filled the past week. Co-workers are continuing to try and take over the world, Buddy has decided on too many occasions that 5am is a great time to get up and start the day, Hubby has been home late every night due to bidding out new jobs (quick pray that some will come in!), and I'm preggers.

Yep.

We aren't telling anyone for a long time yet, probably the week of Thanksgiving. It was funny, just on Monday I found myself thinking "Man, I'm really not that tired. I can totally handle this!" And then it hit me full force on Tuesday. I think I could sleep standing up, given the opportunity. I have to pee all the time, but at least I don't really have morning sickness (knock on wood). I never really did with Buddy either, just so, so tired.

Buddy will be 22 months with Nemo is born. That's what we're calling the baby "Nemo". I don't know why. It just stuck. Speaking of names, I was just telling a friend how it is impossible for Hubby and I to agree on names. I love a good 100 girl names, but we can't find any boy names that either of us like. None. Too bad we already used Buddy. That and Hubby won't give them both names starting with the same letter. Darn.

I was so excited to get a CUTE dress that I saw on sale at old navy, but low and behold, they only had it in XS. I was so depressed. I thought it would be the perfect dress for our cruise in Nov. I'm not huge...but I'm no XS, that's for sure. Now I'm super bummed and trying to decide if I should shell out some serious coin on new Long maternity jeans. Being a taller gal really stinks when you're preggers because no one wants to make long maternity pants. I have no idea why. It's totally dumb, if you ask me!

Anyhow, me and Nemo need to go get some ice cream. Yummmy.

Doesn't it just figure

2006-08-22T13:38:00.000-07:00

Well, I've got a cold. Not just the sniffles, a full blown, sucks to lay down, nose is raw, sounds like a boy during puberty cold. It's rotten. And of course I come down with it right when I need to get up every morning at 4. Not that it's that big of a deal, I haven't been able to sleep past 3:50 anyhow.

The worst part is that good friends had a baby on Sunday and I can't go see her. Stupid nasty cold. So now i have meals in the freezer, multiple gifts in the office and a 3 day old baby I still haven't seen. Doesn't it just figure. Healthy all summer and bam. Just in time for the county fair, too. So, I was pushing Buddy around in his stroller in 85+ degrees, sniffling, gulping down water and wearing jeans because I didn't have time to shave my legs. Yep, jeans. Although it occured to me about 20 minutes into our fair adventure that I should've just put the shorts on. Its not like everyone else was so great to look at!! What is it about Fairs that really brings out the uglies? And can I just say that everyone should wear at least 20% more clothing than they put on. Do I need to see your rolls beneath your skin tight shirt? Hmmm? Really, did you need that giant elephant ear, cotton candy AND a moowich? Really, did you?!? Because from where I'm standing, I'd say a carrot would've been a better chioce. And what is it with people bringing their teeny tiny babies out into the sun w/o hats?!? Is it really that difficult to cover them up? And why are you bringing them out in the first place? Do they really need to be exposed to the smoke and the gross humanity? Good night people, keep the babies home!!

Off soap box.

Anyhow, so now I'm dizzy, doped up on cold medicine (I hate to take medicine, so you know its got to be a hum dinger) and just waiting for Buddy to get it. Sigh. Plus, Hubby leaves this weekend for fishing.

Oh well.

Rainy days

2006-08-10T09:56:00.000-07:00

I love rainy days!

It's August, but it's cloudy and rainy and I couldn't be happier. Don't get me wrong, I like the sun, I like to be outdoors (once in a while), but I really like dreary weather.

So, this morning it's rainy and Buddy and I are playing inside with no guilt of "it's so nice out, we'd better go outside!" Nope, no guilt today. And, this means we can walk the other direction this afternoon. We only walk one route if it's sunny, because he can't have the sun in his eyes on the way home. It's hard enough to get him to sit still, let alone shine the bright sun in his eyes. It's just better that we only walk one route. I've got it all figured out, you know.

We had new neighbors move in over the weekend. From Tennesee, their plates say. I should really go over and say hi, but I'm really bad at that kind of stuff. That's because I'm a bit of a hermit. I'm not good at going up to people and striking up friendships, never was. So, now that I'm a mom, its even worse. I don't do play dates, I don't do baby excersize classes or anything like that. No wonder Buddy is bored. Hubby always tells me to go out with friends....there in lies the problem. I'm just not good at making new friends. It's like being in 8th grade again. Couldn't pay me enough to do THAT over again.

So, I will sit in my house, play tractors and tupperware all day and not feel guilty...

Because it's raining.

Still of the night

2006-08-04T19:38:00.000-07:00

I love my baby. I love to be home with my baby. While else would I get up at o-dark thirty to truck off to work? But...even I have my limits! I have a new respect for single parents. My hat is off to you.

This is my first weekend of two this month that I'll be solo here at home. Hubby is on a side job this weekend. He left at 5:40ish this morning, and my best guess is that he'll be home around 9ish. So it is just me and Buddy from when he wakes up at 5:57am to when he goes down at 7:15. It's a long day, but it's not that bad if I at least know I'll be alone in advance, so I can prepare. You know, so I can schedule our afternoon walk for as late as possible to help us make it until it is bedtime. Or let him watch Sesame Street from 6 to 7am while I drift in and out of sleep. I'm totally anti-tv...until it's 6am and I'm all alone and I just can't quite play bocks yet. I'm not the best playmate. Just ask Buddy. I don't do well outside. I don't let him eat cement chunks. I don't let him sit in the bark and I don't let him play in the water. I don't even let him eat the flowers. After about 20 mins, mom has had enough of outside, and we retreat back into the house...where there are no flowers to eat.

So I was thinking on my walk today (taken at 5pm to strech us until dinner), as I normally do, that I must be the only person in the world who thinks like I do. During our walks I crunch numbers in my head. "How much extra money can we make by doing such and so?" "Should I put it into a fund for possible medical decuctables, or apply it to the principal of my house?" "What is the best vehicle for our retirement, should we be putting more toward that, or save for Christian school in 4 or 5 years?"

Tell me, who does that?

The only possible answer is Me. I don't look at the beautiful surroundings, I don't talk to Buddy, I think. I think and I think. And I compose possible Blogs. :)

No wonder I'm not the best playmate. I'm a space cadet. And it's not even like I'm thinking about anything fun!

Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

Day one

2006-08-03T09:58:00.000-07:00

Sigh.

It is Thursday again. I have exactly 5 minutes before I need to wake Buddy up. Glorious nap times. My only chance to clean out the poop from this mornings bath and then file my Combined Excise Tax form for July. Yes, the behold, the all powerful nap!! I don't know what I will do if, I suppose I should resign myself to WHEN, Buddy gives up the morning nap.

Today is a normal day. I never feel like getting dressed when I'm home, but I don't want to become "one of THOSE moms". You know in my sweats with my hair a mess. Okay, so I'm in Hubby's sweats this morning (hey, it's only 10am), but, IN MY DEFENSE, I did my hair and makeup, so take that. Here's my rational. Okay, say I get all dressed up for the day, I play with Buddy on the floor for the next 6 hours, then at 4pm we take our daily walk. So, I will then change from said amazing outfit into my excersize attire, a ratty tank top and some shorts. By the time Hubby gets home every day, that's what I'm wearing, regardless of how I started the morning. Therefore, why even try to put on nice clothes, no one but Buddy will know, and he couldn't care less one way or the other. See, it's only logical to wear sweats. :) So for today, that's what I'm doing. Now leave me alone!

Well, it is now the 10:00 hour, which means I have to wake Buddy up from the powerful morning nap and I'll find out how much like digs my tank top and sweats outfit. Wish me luck!